Christmas 2013 retail wars

Well..on Saturday 21st December I did the last part of my Christmas shopping. I planned it good and left the house with a confident smile on my face at 8am. I had 3 different supermarkets to visit for food and chocolate goodies to round off the presents. I estimated I could visit all three and accomplish my mission in say around 2 hours as they were quite close to one another. then I had to nip into town to choose the last of the presents I needed to buy for a close friend. town was only 3 miles away but I feared parking the car might be harder this time of year being so busy with last minute Christmas shoppers. but luckily it will still be early I thought to myself putting aside any fears ha. I arrive at my first supermarket at 8-15am. There a little doubt crept in as there were already medium sized queues at the check out. did they open earliler this morning for christmas I wondered? I was also surprised to see pallets parked in the isles with frenzied staff still packing goodies onto the over flowing shelves. regardless I scurried around with my trolly with wonky wheel and managed to avoid the small groups of children running around harassing their stressed mothers for sweets which were conveniently placed low on the shelves at their eye level...clever marketing there I thought to myself. I queued at the check out for what seemed like ages and finally handed my money over to the sweaty check out lady who was complaining she went out drinking last night and was nursing a bad hangover. she obviously wasnt over flowing with christmas cheer and really didnt want to be there. I felt for her and almost bent down to give her a hug in sympathy but stopped myself thinking..um at my age it might be misinterpreted as assault by a dirty old man on a young shop assistant...I could picture the headlines now in my local rag ha. Off and onward I steamed off to my second supermarket. my estimated timing was totally out now as I'd spent over an hour in the last place. This new place was huge like a warehouse of food cum tinsel hanging palace. they had really gone to town on the Christmas decorations here and it looked yummy. as I entered the doors I was a wee bit dazzled by the Christmasy bright lights and silver and gold baubles and Santas Raindeers and Elves.. add to that members of staff dressed up in weird hobbit like costumes with permanently held smiles on their over made up faces...how weird they looked like they had escaped from a Hollywood film set of Harry Potter ha. as I entered further into this magical tinsel hanging winter wonderland complete with piped Christmas carols over the PA system I almost forgot why I was there? my imaginary shopping list in my head had escaped thanks to all my senses being bombarded by a Bling attack. it was like over dosing on drugs as I wandered aimlessly through the asles. good job they dont breathalyse for being stoned in charge of a shopping trolly. As I tried to regain control of my senses I almost bowled into a lady sat at a small stall offering free mince pies and a tot of Sherry to those who caught her eye. in my trance like state I grabbed with both hands and sat happily on a box of tinned peas to enjoy these free treats and found myself people watching for a few minutes, At Christmas time you certainly see all shades of human life amongst the supermarket asles. young married couples arguing quietly as they cant agree on what to choose. screaming demanding children stressing their mums out dragging her to the sweet shelves with her over flowing trolly stacked with enough food to feed a football team...how long is Christmas again? guys roaming with that wanting look upon their faces desperately trying to find the right present for their wives of girl friends..especially funny in the Lingerie dept as their cheeks tend to blush up when female shop assistants look their way haha. little old ladies storming around knocking into folk like they're on a mission. I lost count of the number of 60s plus females who barged into me almost knocking me flying. leaving their mark in the way of a bruise. I shall never look at sweet old Grannies in the same light anymore. amongst all this human frenzy of a mosh pit I spot a Pensioner couple totally oblivious to the surrounding mayhem casually strolling along hand in hand...how lovely. Eventually I do find what I'm looking for though and fight my way to the checkout. another long wait as over spilling trollies are emptied onto the conveyer belt in front of me. the poor woman on the till has the speed and skills of a juggler as she scans each item in lightning speed causing a little bleep sound on the machine. reminded me of a hospital heart monitor and the hope I survive todays madness not to end up attached to one. a smile came to my face as a shop assistant dressed in a Santa outfit filled my bags for me wishing me a Merry Christmas as I departed but I didnt have the heart to argue the point...I was so tempted to say look around! packed my car and headed for the next Retail palace warehouse my last one of three ha. but I neednt have bothered really as I couldnt even get in the car park. honestly it was full with queues of cars waiting to get in..I dont belieeeve it! I decided to dump my plan as stress was manipulating my face at this stage so headed to town only 2 miles away to find my friends present. I head for my usual side streets that offers free parking. no point in going to the multi story as they're full too and the council has just upped the prices to park. so much for encouraging shopping in town let alone Christmas cheer. but again I neednt have bothered as I came across two guys arguing in the street over who was first in turn to pull into a vacant space. one is red faced and screaming at the top of his voice "you jumped the queue you arse hole"...oh dear so very different to the Christmas message of good will to your fellow man at this time of year. later I'm strolling the busy streets and shops in the hope of achieving my mission but losing faith quickly as I'm pushed and shoved along. nobody has time anymore to stop and chat. everyone has an anguished looked in their eyes as they dash from here to there carrier bags and kids in tow. my tinsel colored dream eariler in the day has descended into a christmas Carol nitemare complete with Scrooge in the corner winking out the corner of his eye. Theres a chill in the air and I'm going home! MERRY CHRISTMAS...Bar Humbug! CALLEN PS. Wise Words........." Never trust anyone with a perfect reputation.....For they are inexperienced in Life"