Life back in 2005 was pretty good over all. I was always a free spirit with a very open mind although this was entwined with a stabilising framework of traditional values to..I may have had periods of being wild and rebellious but that didnt mean reckless. I flirted with the social sex drugs rock'n'roll life style theme with music at its centre namely the regions live rock scene which involved music pubs/venues/festivals and places to hang out fellow Alternative types. I had a comrade in arms who shared my love of this music influenced world called Gary. he was 4 years younger then I and we grew up in the same small Suffolk market town here in Eastern England. Although we didnt really know each other as children but were thrown together in our late teens because of our love of Rock music and visiting local venues. We became firm friends and hung out together more and more through the years because of the music link.Gary had never married and during this period I was divorced which provided plenty of free time for social activities.
We would routinely arrange meet ups for gigs and festivals often traveling hundreds of miles for a single event and often did alniters at Nottinghams famous 'Rock City' club which involved a 300 mile round trip driving as well as 8 hours of hard rocking out at the club and on the dance floor...of course drugs played a small part here in keeping the pace going and amplifying the 'good' feelings of the whole music/club experience..there was nothing negative about it at all apart from the long sleep over after arriving home from a marathon session lasting 20 hours non stop! phew! As well as crazy gigs we'd meet up for day trips out and to meet other rock friends or to shop may etc etc usual things that friends do so...we were pretty close and on the same wavelengh on many levels including things such as views on politics...music..fashion..women..life in general. We had a respect for one another to and enjoyed each others company...friendships like that are valued regardless of sex.
Gary also worked part time for a regional music Promoter which had added benefits on a regular basis. His promoter boss/friend would do a mix of local music acts and 'named' acts from yesteryear like Status Quo/Elton John/Uriah Heep/Golden Earring/Wishbone Ash etc etc plus many quality Tribute acts. Gary would often slip me in on such tours as his assistant or driver meaning I would get to enjoy behind the scenes experiences of yesterdays music heroes as well as meeting them and often their families. I met many Named acts this way and including a fab weekend party at Richard Bransons Oxfordshire estate. This extension due to his job just contributed not only to our chosen social lifestyle but also to the closeness of our friendship. It became the norm to meet up most weekends and chat on the phone every few days about life things..plus when Gary found himself unemployed from his day job I employed him part time in my then business. Life was full..steady..and fun...as it should be.
During the hazy hot summer of 2005 and umpteen hectic gig meetings which exhausted us through the sheer excess of just having a good time and not wanting to stop Gary got one of those irritating summer colds which resulted in a persistent cough. we all get them occasionally and think nothing of it. They usually just disappear of their own accord. but Garys didnt and went on for weeks resulting in him taking medication from the local chemist. after this failed to work he routinely visited his local doctors who prescribed yet more anti-biotic pills. back to gigging then. We had a list of different bands and gigs far afield we wanted to go to over the coming weeks hence more planning and driving so..we emerged ourselves back into the swirl of things. Gary just loved the setting and atmosphere of a live gig with a quality band and if all the elements were in place it really was an emotional high for both of us..the power of music huh. it really does effect the soul heart and mind if your properly tuned into it.
After another few weeks passed by he told me his bloody cough was still present and although I had noticed the occasional cough cough thought nothing of it because it began to be the norm from him and Gary was not a smoker. he told me he had gone back to the docs a few times and he had agreed he should have a proper checkover at the local clinic. This came and went without any concern but a surprise phone call from Gary changed the feeling of calm...he explained the x-ray at the clinic revealed something and he needed to report to the local hospital for further tests. he was concerned and threw a few reasons/causes by me...I heard myself saying that he shouldnt worry too much and it was just a normal cautionary thing they did and it would amount to nothing...you'll see! but at the back of my mind I did wonder if there was indeed something wrong?
A week later everything changed in our world when his hospital tests had come back. they had found a small dark shadow on garys lung and his blood tests revealed there were irregularities in the cells. he had to stay over in hospital for further testing and the voice on the phone sounded like concealed panic. I did my best to speak him back onto rational thinking as best I could and visited him the next evening. it was odd seeing my friend in a small quietened hospital ward and in his bed pyjamas and speaking in hushed tones when we were both usually in noisy musical environments. he told me what the specialists had said and was remarkably calm as opposed to his veiled panic on the phone just 24 hours previously. They had found a small dark growth on the tip of one of his lungs which was cancerous but a mild form and in its very early stages of developement. They suggested he stayed in hospital and under went a course of radiology and possibly chemotherapy over the next few weeks. He could do most of this as an out patient but they wanted him to stay in for 2-3 weeks so they could closely monitor progress of this treatment.
Gary was in indecisive mode a few days later and became very stubborn. he knew both treatments could result in the loss of his long healthy blonde hair which was a symbol of his rock credentials. he did indeed look the part being 6'-1" tall and slim with that rock singer willowness about him and he looked good in bohemian style rock clothes of which he developed his own unique style. his long flowing locks which went below his shoulders were very much part of the completed look...it wouldnt work bald or even short. I did of course try to talk sense into him regarding that ones health is more important but...you cant stop a steam train in full flight. he asked to see the specialist again to get a detailed account of his growth who informed him that oral medication could also treat it and that radiology/chemotherapy was at this stage an over kill solution offered in choice...that he couldnt guarantee either or both would work...that the growth was minute etc this indecisive analysis convinced Gary that there was a period of wait and see so..he decided to reject the harsher treatments in favor of oral radiation tablets..it was his choice and now he couldnt be budged!
Fast forward a few months and Gary was out of hospital in autumn 2005 and on regular tablets which seemed to do the trick ie the cough was gone and he looked bright'n'healthy again and full of life..the hospital monitored him on a regular basis and reported no problems regarding the growth getting larger or changing...indeed it became smaller. Christmas came and went with a brand new year unfolding 2006 with life things kicking back in and we connected again with the social rock thingy like nothing had happened the previous summer. he continued going for regular checks firstly every 2 weeks..then a month ending up every 3 months so it all appeared good. The 'old' Gary was back and he seemed to display a renewed vigour for life which is usually the case after a cancer scare isnt it. The months rolled on and life was good again. he changed his diet of course and a cleaner lifestyle took form and I think he felt much the better for it. It almost became like a fading memory the events of over a year ago and healthwise everything seemed fine..psychologically everything moved forward and negative thoughts slowly but surely disappeared. suddenly it was almost Christmas 2006..what happened to this past year? its slipped by so fast..cant believe its almost 2007.
It was a cold grueling winter this one and the usual Christmasy things came and went...we battoned down the hatches until the first hint of spring showed its face and then it was time for planning again ie the social calender and holidays etc etc like furry animals emerging from a long winters hibernation rubbing your eyes and eager to get stuck back into living normally again. Sunny March arrived 2007 and it was beautiful..we hit the gig circuit running and our motors were running again...our foots hit the floor and you could hear our engines roar! Gary had met a woman the past month and he liked her a lot. he revealed his feelings to me I guess looking for advice of some kind. I told him that having a love in ones life makes it all complete and even more enjoyable..that a close friendship between mates shouldnt suffer because of it...that if she felt the same toward him then he should invest more of himself into the bludgeoning relationship and see where it flows? he took my advice and offered her more of his social time which I understood so stepped back a little to allow it to grow. a routine emerged where we saw less of one another in favor of his growing love/needs from this woman. instead of the normal 3-4 times per week we used to meet up it dropped to once a week and sometimes less. I accepted that without question..it was early days and new love is all consuming..I understand that.
Something strange happened in mid April 2007 myself and Gary had a silly disagreement over the phone which rarely happened ever but both being strong characters I guess when it does happen its strong. it developed into a heated argument and slamming the phone down in frustration. neither would compromise or give any ground to get beyond it...which was silly and just male pride. I couldnt fathom who started it or fed it to heated proportions? I guess we were both to blame? I thought to myself well sod him..he has his woman now so isnt too bothered with me. it'll blow over in a short time and things will be fine again...lets just have some space between us. April turned into May and the weather was so fine with bright sunshine and the smell of spring hung in the air..that flower scented smell that makes you fell quite heady. I continued going to gigs locally and fully expected to bump into Gary and his woman..thinking we would and that silly disagreement would be forgotten about immediately...but we didnt. I didnt really think it was odd...just thought we were like passing ships in the night and would eventually. a few busy weeks with work my end and I didnt go out one weekend feeling a little exhausted. I almost phoned my friend Gary one evening thinking this was silly as I had missed our regular phone chats and meets.
I received a phone call from another friend on the 29th May whom I hadnt heard from in a while..."Hi I said" "wondered how you were these days"...he sounded sombre and said he was sorry but he was the bringer of bad news! He went on to say he knew myself and Gary had had a falling out a while back so thought it was only right he should inform me of recent events etc..oh god I thought whats happened? his words came out slowly and resonated in my head..."I dont think you knew that Gary was taken into hospital almost a month ago and remains there..that the hospital has told his relatives he wont be leaving and that sadly things arent good...that the cancer he had signs of 2 years previously had re-emerged quickly and unfortunately spread via his blood to his stomach".....oh my god! his words seemed to freeze in my head and numbed my thinking. I couldnt fully take in their meaning? I mean only weeks ago we were together and he was so full of life and healthy etc how could this happen so quickly? why didnt the hospital pick up on it and have some warning? a hundred questions flowed through my mind.
My friend on the phone went on to explain the sequence of events the past 5-6 weeks..apparent Gary had a heavy night of drinking one night while out and brought a curry on the way home..having eaten this he became sick shorty afterwards and brought the meal up. he put it down to being drunk. next few days he couldnt hold his food down for long and developed a feeling of indigestion in his tummy. he thought nothing of it and took pills from the chemist. but much like his persistent cough of a few years ago it wouldnt go away. his feeling of indigestion got steadily worse causing him to phone his doctor as 4 days. he told him to report immediately to the hospital outpatient dept which he did. they took an x-ray and blood test telling him he has to stay in over night as something doesnt look right. They discovered the cancerous growth on his lung to be still there but very small with little change but there were now small growths in the lining of his stomach and it had spread so much it was inoperable...even contemplating removing his whole stomach would not be enough as evidence was seen to show it had spread beyond that.
Gary was given emergency chemotherapy over the next few weeks in a vain attempt to stop the spread and limit the harm and he increasingly needed Morphine to kill the pain. he couldnt hold food down so had to be fed liquids via a tube. his weight loss was fast and his skin color faded but he remained upbeat even after the specialists slowly broke the news to him there was little hope...that he had to prepare himself for the worst. he had friends and family visit him...he listened to his beloved rock music on the bedside radio till the end and the nurse said his music seemed to give him strength. he became painfully thin and needed larger doses of Morphine..his mood slowly sunk toward the end and he became short tempered etc etc I listened to this account on the phone in a state of semi-shock! stunned both by the bad news but also as to why hadnt he contacted me his friend of old to tell me? was he just too stubborn? did he feel betrayed by me some how? was he embarrassed to tell me there was no hope? was he so doped up he couldnt think straight? so many painful questions that mashed my thinking up.
After this shocking phone call/news I immediately phoned the hospitable wanting to arrange a visit. it was late and the night staff were on duty they could tell me very little and suggested I call first thing in the morning. I gave in trying at that late hour and couldnt sleep that night. next morning I phoned the hospital first thing at 8am and had difficulty getting through to the right dept/ward..eventually after being passed onto 3 different staff members a female voice calmly told me that Gary had sadly passed on late last night. that he was calm and sedated with no pain. his younger brother and two other friends were at his bedside so he didnt die alone.....I couldnt believe what I was hearing! She told me that he was listening to his radio at that moment to his favorite rock station..he leaned forward slowly toward his brother and asked him in a hushed voice to hold his hand tightly and he quietly slipped away...tears filled my eyes uncontrollably.
11 days later on another beautifully sunny day mid week Garys funeral took place at the crematorium . I heard he had wanted to be buried but the current laws prevented it because his cancer was a form of toxic asbestosis and only cremation was possible..this had upset him apparently. it was a good turn out..lots of family/friends and aqquaintences..lots of summer flowers. The service was nice and they played 2 of Garys chosen rock tracks over the PA system which broke my heart and I couldnt hold back my emotions at that point...memories flooded my head and I couldnt relate to this whole thing...the music playing in this moment is associated with laughter happiness and our old times together as mates at gigs etc certainly not watching his coffin sliding behind curtains before the hot ovens...its just not real!
Over the next few days I contacted the local radio station and the DJ friend of Gary whom he had be-friended at various gigs agreed with his producers to do a radio tribute to a lost rocker and friend. he played the track from Aerosmith that Gary had been listening to at the moment of passing...so very moving..more tears. I recorded this radio tribute and burned it onto a dvd containing old photos/film of him I had taken over the years in a montage of his life. I handed these out to a few of his family/friends. How does one deal with a sudden loss of someone close? where do you find the answers to so many questions? grief is a lonely burdon to deal with. The rock scene is a lonelier place without you Gary..I miss your laughter...your jokes..I miss your views on life..I miss your spirit..I miss you beside me at gigs always with an opinion on the band...I loved you my friend and I miss you...you were only 52 and so full of life still...I recall what someone told me you said in defiance when you learned that there was little hope of recovery while laying in your hospital bed..you said.."oh well I've had a good 50 years plus..some folk dont get anywhere near that do they"....You may have gone in physical presence but your spirit lives beside me still at gigs and I gain a lot of inspiration from that...I will keep you alive in my thoughts which will be a fitting memorial to you...I lost a friend.... CALLEN
Sunday, 28 August 2011
Sunday, 7 August 2011
The rhythm of time.....
There's an inner thing in every man,
Do you know this thing my friend?
It has withstood the blows of a million years,
And will do so to the end.
It was born when time did not exist,
And it grew up out of life,
It cut down evil's strangling vines,
Like a slashing searing knife.
It lit fires when fires were not,
And burnt the mind of man,
Tempering leandened hearts to steel,
From the time that time began.
It wept by the waters of Babylon,
And when all men were a loss,
It screeched in writhing agony,
And it hung bleeding from the Cross.
It died in Rome by lion and sword,
And in defiant cruel array,
When the deathly word was 'Spartacus'
Along with Appian Way.
It marched with Wat the Tyler's poor,
And frightened lord and king,
And it was emblazoned in their deathly stare,
As e'er a living thing.
It smiled in holy innocence,
Before conquistadors of old,
So meek and tame and unaware,
Of the deathly power of gold.
It burst forth through pitiful Paris streets,
And stormed the old Bastille,
And marched upon the serpent's head,
And crushed it 'neath its heel.
It died in blood on Buffalo Plains,
And starved by moons of rain,
Its heart was buried in Wounded Knee,
But it will come to rise again.
It screamed aloud by Kerry lakes,
As it was knelt upon the ground,
And it died in great defiance,
As they coldly shot it down.
It is found in every light of hope,
It knows no bounds nor space
It has risen in red and black and white,
It is there in every race.
It lies in the hearts of heroes dead,
It screams in tyrants' eyes,
It has reached the peak of mountains high,
It comes searing 'cross the skies.
It lights the dark of this prison cell,
It thunders forth its might,
It is 'the undauntable thought', my friend,
That thought that says 'I'm right!'
By 'BS'
Do you know this thing my friend?
It has withstood the blows of a million years,
And will do so to the end.
It was born when time did not exist,
And it grew up out of life,
It cut down evil's strangling vines,
Like a slashing searing knife.
It lit fires when fires were not,
And burnt the mind of man,
Tempering leandened hearts to steel,
From the time that time began.
It wept by the waters of Babylon,
And when all men were a loss,
It screeched in writhing agony,
And it hung bleeding from the Cross.
It died in Rome by lion and sword,
And in defiant cruel array,
When the deathly word was 'Spartacus'
Along with Appian Way.
It marched with Wat the Tyler's poor,
And frightened lord and king,
And it was emblazoned in their deathly stare,
As e'er a living thing.
It smiled in holy innocence,
Before conquistadors of old,
So meek and tame and unaware,
Of the deathly power of gold.
It burst forth through pitiful Paris streets,
And stormed the old Bastille,
And marched upon the serpent's head,
And crushed it 'neath its heel.
It died in blood on Buffalo Plains,
And starved by moons of rain,
Its heart was buried in Wounded Knee,
But it will come to rise again.
It screamed aloud by Kerry lakes,
As it was knelt upon the ground,
And it died in great defiance,
As they coldly shot it down.
It is found in every light of hope,
It knows no bounds nor space
It has risen in red and black and white,
It is there in every race.
It lies in the hearts of heroes dead,
It screams in tyrants' eyes,
It has reached the peak of mountains high,
It comes searing 'cross the skies.
It lights the dark of this prison cell,
It thunders forth its might,
It is 'the undauntable thought', my friend,
That thought that says 'I'm right!'
By 'BS'
Saturday, 25 June 2011
First day of Glastonbury 2011
As if by magic the rain clouds gathered above in preparation for the start of Glastonbury 2011. well its on the menu isnt it and and wellie manufacturers rely on it to boost their low summer trade. if you go and return home without Glastonbury dried mud on your boots you somehow feel cheated. but not for me I'm home 200 miles away in the relative comfort of my home settling down in front of my High Definition telly with beer in one hand and a reefer in the other [oh echoes of the old Glastonbury days haha] with my feet up on the puffy I'm definitly feeling in old Hippy mode...peace man!...Turn on tune in drop out!...My spirit is free an my heart is passionate! etc etc so.....I settle back feeling pretty laidback and in anticipation of some musical highs and nostalgia flashbacks.
I sat through over 4 hours of BBC broadcast Glastonbury and the long anticipated appearance of U2 who the festival has been trying to book since the 1980s. you will recall when they finally achieved this last year in 2010 lead singer Bono hurt his back and the whole shabang was cancelled so....finally they would appear and set the place alight! hmm...the trouble with anticipation and building something up in your mind is we tend to over anticipate and expectations are exaggerated to a degree with the result that it just doesnt live upto the headfit. sadly the rain clouds opened up almost on quo as a bad omen and it poured down. but the enthusiasm of the audience which numbered tens of thousands didnt appear dampened at it...indeed you could feel the atmospheric High from the crowd...oh this is going to be good I thought as I sat in my comfy armchair semi drunk'n'stoned..I had a silly smile across my face and felt like I was there pushing an shoving in that heaving happy sea of people oblivious to the pouring rain and sticky mud...I mean its the best rock band in the world U2! hmm well..we all get swept up in the moment dont we even ole hippies like me haha.
anyhow the moment arrived and suddenly the band appeared on stage to a cresendo of applause'n'cheer..hey! The first choice of track wasnt a grabber like you'd expect from this band because they usually like to grab you by the balls early and hold you there for 2 hours but....the opener didnt achieve that. I started to notice things like the band members didnt display much spirit or enthusiasm...maybe it was the pouring rain? I mean multi-millionaire Rock gods are used to the best creature comforts and conditions..or maybe the were a bit nervous because of the big build up to appearing at this iconic festival for the first time? whatever they appeared to me to be dragging their feet a bit. another thing that struck me to was Bono..he looked old tonite. his forehead looked wrinkled and his face frowns deeper..ok these guys are now in their mid 40s but that isnt really old. he also looked a little overweight and moved in a wooden fashion...not the usual sprightly spirited Bono who normally steals the stage and grabs your eye etc no....for whatever reason it didnt all 'fit' tonite and I felt a little disappointed after about 20 mins. dont get me wrong there were emotional and exciting moments yes during the set but...it had patches of lacklustre. The crowd were screaming and cheering all the way but I've come to notice the new generation of Glasto-ites will scream'n'wave at anything put in front of them..I mean the TV cameras are there and mummy'n'daddy are watching at home so....yes a good show by the band but.....you dont want 'buts'
After the show you had the usual interview in the BBC tent festooned with plastic flowers and tacky Hippy type memoribelia like something out of a Clacton tourist shop. but even then the band members seemed out of sorts and unrelaxed. Bono came out with his usual crap about saving the millions of poor and the mystic aura of Glastonbury etc etc oh lord please listen to yourself at times man! so over all I felt a bit cheated and deflated...certainly not spiritually lifted by the music like I expected. I started to wonder did I have a bad batch of dope or crap supermarket beer? did I miss the vibe somewhere? am I tired or just too old for this?? no I dont think so. To put my cynical hat on this festival simply isnt living up to my memory of old. can you remember the original hippy festival of Glastonbury and the inspiration of those early Hippies who created it? it actually meant something special back then and was a show piece of the alternative society we were trying to create way from Straight society..it was a weekend vision of our new world that we dreamed of albeit in a youthful naive way. but it doesnt matter because you can always gleen the good bits from any dream. The event I was watching tonite didnt resemble that dream of old but a new model...like a car altered for trend/fashion purposes but was ruined in the process..or a remake of an old classic film that comes out ok but diluted in content and quality.
Glastonbury is still a good thing for its creation of community and fun...for the music and of course for business and jobs. thats the essence of it really today. its not spiritual but a corporate summer event..like an exaggerated village fete on the village green. a summer camp for middle class kids pretending to be hippies for the weekend with their designer multi-colored wellies and fake tans. its a meeting place for eccentrics and perceived multi-culturalism. for family outings and people to dress up in funny costumes and ape to the ever present TV cameras...a place for kids to escape their parents for a long weekend and be wild..its a like a Butlins summer camp for teens etc etc ok its good in one sense but devoid of the original concept. its simply now a corporate event and empty of meaning.
Even the usual BBC TV presenters came across as a little stale and just going through the motions...certainly no youthful enthusiasm from boring middle aged MILF DJ Jo Wiley with her posh accent and silly designer ripped jeans at the knee..oh lord thats become so crass and expected. is she trying to say I'm hip and rock'n'roll? it simply doesnt work Jo....you look past your sell by date. Then theres Mark Lamarr another radio 2 DJ and TV presenter who looks 15 years older then his 44 years. he presents himself tonite unshaven with a greying mess of stubble and hippy farmer hat and overcoat looking more like an extra in a Benny hill sketch...trying to portray a Hippy of old and not succeeding in fact he was born in that famous counter-culture year of 1967...summer of Love and flower power remember?...well I do anyway. sorry Mark it didnt work you looked a prat to my eyes. There was also that Aussie sound presenter Zac? not sure what he does or where he comes from? but he talks too much and tries to over emphasis his musical knowledge which irritates..over all a poor performance from the BBC presenters too.
On a serious note....There were a group of young protesters in the audience who had planned in advance and with the permission of the festival organisers to protest against U2's recent decision to shift their business organisation out of Eire their home country to avoid paying their tax rate. you've got to understand here that Ireland are currently suffering their 2nd worst recession in history and are in financial dire straits. U2 earned £120 million plus last year from various sales/tours and are estimated to be worth jointly £800 million so vastly rich beyond most peoples dreams yet they choose to leave their ailing country at its worst point to avoid the tax....all this and lead singer Bono makes a huge point of caring about his country and the under priviliged of the world etc etc how two faced is this!? Stay and pay your taxes U2..help your country when in need! I was disappointed when this young protest group with their planned demonstration to bring the tax issue to our attention were not allowed to be on camera. indeed as soon as they inflated their 20 foot balloon with words printed across it ' U need to pay your taxes 2' they had thuggish security guards jump on them and bundle them away...how un-Glastonbury in spirit.
After 4 hours slouching in my chair I felt totally drained of emotion and a little empty....deflated emotionally I mean instead of lifted. thankful that I wasnt there in the rain'n'mud like I wished I was 4 hours previously. Thumbs up to the festival and the thousands that still enjoy it but for me personally its a different animal that I dont recognise anymore....I'm off to bed to dream of days of old..oh it was such a special time back then...there was a magic in the air in Glastonbury 1970s model...a feeling of Camelot....isnt that what dreams are made of? CALLEN
Words of Wisdom...." The only things in life you will regret.....are the risks you didnt take "
I sat through over 4 hours of BBC broadcast Glastonbury and the long anticipated appearance of U2 who the festival has been trying to book since the 1980s. you will recall when they finally achieved this last year in 2010 lead singer Bono hurt his back and the whole shabang was cancelled so....finally they would appear and set the place alight! hmm...the trouble with anticipation and building something up in your mind is we tend to over anticipate and expectations are exaggerated to a degree with the result that it just doesnt live upto the headfit. sadly the rain clouds opened up almost on quo as a bad omen and it poured down. but the enthusiasm of the audience which numbered tens of thousands didnt appear dampened at it...indeed you could feel the atmospheric High from the crowd...oh this is going to be good I thought as I sat in my comfy armchair semi drunk'n'stoned..I had a silly smile across my face and felt like I was there pushing an shoving in that heaving happy sea of people oblivious to the pouring rain and sticky mud...I mean its the best rock band in the world U2! hmm well..we all get swept up in the moment dont we even ole hippies like me haha.
anyhow the moment arrived and suddenly the band appeared on stage to a cresendo of applause'n'cheer..hey! The first choice of track wasnt a grabber like you'd expect from this band because they usually like to grab you by the balls early and hold you there for 2 hours but....the opener didnt achieve that. I started to notice things like the band members didnt display much spirit or enthusiasm...maybe it was the pouring rain? I mean multi-millionaire Rock gods are used to the best creature comforts and conditions..or maybe the were a bit nervous because of the big build up to appearing at this iconic festival for the first time? whatever they appeared to me to be dragging their feet a bit. another thing that struck me to was Bono..he looked old tonite. his forehead looked wrinkled and his face frowns deeper..ok these guys are now in their mid 40s but that isnt really old. he also looked a little overweight and moved in a wooden fashion...not the usual sprightly spirited Bono who normally steals the stage and grabs your eye etc no....for whatever reason it didnt all 'fit' tonite and I felt a little disappointed after about 20 mins. dont get me wrong there were emotional and exciting moments yes during the set but...it had patches of lacklustre. The crowd were screaming and cheering all the way but I've come to notice the new generation of Glasto-ites will scream'n'wave at anything put in front of them..I mean the TV cameras are there and mummy'n'daddy are watching at home so....yes a good show by the band but.....you dont want 'buts'
After the show you had the usual interview in the BBC tent festooned with plastic flowers and tacky Hippy type memoribelia like something out of a Clacton tourist shop. but even then the band members seemed out of sorts and unrelaxed. Bono came out with his usual crap about saving the millions of poor and the mystic aura of Glastonbury etc etc oh lord please listen to yourself at times man! so over all I felt a bit cheated and deflated...certainly not spiritually lifted by the music like I expected. I started to wonder did I have a bad batch of dope or crap supermarket beer? did I miss the vibe somewhere? am I tired or just too old for this?? no I dont think so. To put my cynical hat on this festival simply isnt living up to my memory of old. can you remember the original hippy festival of Glastonbury and the inspiration of those early Hippies who created it? it actually meant something special back then and was a show piece of the alternative society we were trying to create way from Straight society..it was a weekend vision of our new world that we dreamed of albeit in a youthful naive way. but it doesnt matter because you can always gleen the good bits from any dream. The event I was watching tonite didnt resemble that dream of old but a new model...like a car altered for trend/fashion purposes but was ruined in the process..or a remake of an old classic film that comes out ok but diluted in content and quality.
Glastonbury is still a good thing for its creation of community and fun...for the music and of course for business and jobs. thats the essence of it really today. its not spiritual but a corporate summer event..like an exaggerated village fete on the village green. a summer camp for middle class kids pretending to be hippies for the weekend with their designer multi-colored wellies and fake tans. its a meeting place for eccentrics and perceived multi-culturalism. for family outings and people to dress up in funny costumes and ape to the ever present TV cameras...a place for kids to escape their parents for a long weekend and be wild..its a like a Butlins summer camp for teens etc etc ok its good in one sense but devoid of the original concept. its simply now a corporate event and empty of meaning.
Even the usual BBC TV presenters came across as a little stale and just going through the motions...certainly no youthful enthusiasm from boring middle aged MILF DJ Jo Wiley with her posh accent and silly designer ripped jeans at the knee..oh lord thats become so crass and expected. is she trying to say I'm hip and rock'n'roll? it simply doesnt work Jo....you look past your sell by date. Then theres Mark Lamarr another radio 2 DJ and TV presenter who looks 15 years older then his 44 years. he presents himself tonite unshaven with a greying mess of stubble and hippy farmer hat and overcoat looking more like an extra in a Benny hill sketch...trying to portray a Hippy of old and not succeeding in fact he was born in that famous counter-culture year of 1967...summer of Love and flower power remember?...well I do anyway. sorry Mark it didnt work you looked a prat to my eyes. There was also that Aussie sound presenter Zac? not sure what he does or where he comes from? but he talks too much and tries to over emphasis his musical knowledge which irritates..over all a poor performance from the BBC presenters too.
On a serious note....There were a group of young protesters in the audience who had planned in advance and with the permission of the festival organisers to protest against U2's recent decision to shift their business organisation out of Eire their home country to avoid paying their tax rate. you've got to understand here that Ireland are currently suffering their 2nd worst recession in history and are in financial dire straits. U2 earned £120 million plus last year from various sales/tours and are estimated to be worth jointly £800 million so vastly rich beyond most peoples dreams yet they choose to leave their ailing country at its worst point to avoid the tax....all this and lead singer Bono makes a huge point of caring about his country and the under priviliged of the world etc etc how two faced is this!? Stay and pay your taxes U2..help your country when in need! I was disappointed when this young protest group with their planned demonstration to bring the tax issue to our attention were not allowed to be on camera. indeed as soon as they inflated their 20 foot balloon with words printed across it ' U need to pay your taxes 2' they had thuggish security guards jump on them and bundle them away...how un-Glastonbury in spirit.
After 4 hours slouching in my chair I felt totally drained of emotion and a little empty....deflated emotionally I mean instead of lifted. thankful that I wasnt there in the rain'n'mud like I wished I was 4 hours previously. Thumbs up to the festival and the thousands that still enjoy it but for me personally its a different animal that I dont recognise anymore....I'm off to bed to dream of days of old..oh it was such a special time back then...there was a magic in the air in Glastonbury 1970s model...a feeling of Camelot....isnt that what dreams are made of? CALLEN
Words of Wisdom...." The only things in life you will regret.....are the risks you didnt take "
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
This Timeless Place
THIS TIMELESS PLACE
Diamonds on the velvet
Starlight in the black
A valley steeped in history
Far from the beaten track
Strawberries in the water
Crystals on the sea
This timeless place of mystery
This secret I can see
I come here to slay my demons
Heaven's eyes will stare them down
Now I know the magic of believing
Now I hear the beauty of no sound
In a place where witches gather
In a grave of shipwrecked souls
I found a taste that I can savour
And I turned off life's controls
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and sea green air
Did I try to touch the moonlight
This timeless place can take me there
This timeless place that we can share
An ocean like a mirror
But a stranger in the glass
A mouth that's always welcome
Swallows my dreams at last
A wind that seems to whisper
Blows a cyclone in my mind
And when you are like a hurricane
All my thoughts can then unwind
I didn't come to find redemption
But it came and found me here
I can see but almost blind myself
When that starlit sky's so clear
I saw the place where witches guard us
I saw the mariners of Arbroath
The world marches on regardless
But now I'm haunted by their ghosts
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and deep blue sky
For the love of gold and moonlight
This timeless place won't pass you by
This timeless place won't let you die
She watches beauty through my eyes
She reads the words that I would write
And she knows there is no curse
The sights and thoughts were always hers
She saw the ghosts of sailors in my mind
She smelt their death within my sight
And she knows that they are at peace
She knows their souls have found release
Sailors on the turquoise
Widows wrapped in black
A witch that's never vanquished
And death wears its usual mac
She smiled and kissed a mariner
An Arbroath smokie who might steam
He bucked and kicked like a stallion
In a wet and deathly dream
In a place where witches gather
Near where those sailors died
My god! I've dreamed of changes
That spells and sails now sanctify
This timeless place in the Atlantic
This ocean wave and wild blue wind
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place where love begins
And those mariners of Arbroath
Seem to listen through the years
I can almost hear them swear that oath
I can almost hear them crying tears
In a place where witches gather
A timeless place where sailors lie
Their sight is blind to changes
But our night's eyes cannot comply
In the bright stars of the Atlantic
I fell again in love with life
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place within my sight
Words of Wisdom........" The point of living and of being an optimist is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come"
Diamonds on the velvet
Starlight in the black
A valley steeped in history
Far from the beaten track
Strawberries in the water
Crystals on the sea
This timeless place of mystery
This secret I can see
I come here to slay my demons
Heaven's eyes will stare them down
Now I know the magic of believing
Now I hear the beauty of no sound
In a place where witches gather
In a grave of shipwrecked souls
I found a taste that I can savour
And I turned off life's controls
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and sea green air
Did I try to touch the moonlight
This timeless place can take me there
This timeless place that we can share
An ocean like a mirror
But a stranger in the glass
A mouth that's always welcome
Swallows my dreams at last
A wind that seems to whisper
Blows a cyclone in my mind
And when you are like a hurricane
All my thoughts can then unwind
I didn't come to find redemption
But it came and found me here
I can see but almost blind myself
When that starlit sky's so clear
I saw the place where witches guard us
I saw the mariners of Arbroath
The world marches on regardless
But now I'm haunted by their ghosts
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and deep blue sky
For the love of gold and moonlight
This timeless place won't pass you by
This timeless place won't let you die
She watches beauty through my eyes
She reads the words that I would write
And she knows there is no curse
The sights and thoughts were always hers
She saw the ghosts of sailors in my mind
She smelt their death within my sight
And she knows that they are at peace
She knows their souls have found release
Sailors on the turquoise
Widows wrapped in black
A witch that's never vanquished
And death wears its usual mac
She smiled and kissed a mariner
An Arbroath smokie who might steam
He bucked and kicked like a stallion
In a wet and deathly dream
In a place where witches gather
Near where those sailors died
My god! I've dreamed of changes
That spells and sails now sanctify
This timeless place in the Atlantic
This ocean wave and wild blue wind
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place where love begins
And those mariners of Arbroath
Seem to listen through the years
I can almost hear them swear that oath
I can almost hear them crying tears
In a place where witches gather
A timeless place where sailors lie
Their sight is blind to changes
But our night's eyes cannot comply
In the bright stars of the Atlantic
I fell again in love with life
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place within my sight
Words of Wisdom........" The point of living and of being an optimist is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come"
Monday, 2 May 2011
Get me to the church on time...The Royal Wedding 29th April 2011
Well the widely promoted Royal event finally arrived and passed with military precision unsurprisingly as it was their stage managed show. A huge technicolor extravaganza that lit up tv screens the world over. In modern media terms it was a cross between a tv soap opera and reality show with a sprinkling of Romance straight out of a Jane Austin novel. Pomp and pageantry in bucket loads and brightly colored camp uniforms and shiny swords that you might expect from a West end Theatre production of "Oh What A Lovely War". It was all there filling the Plasma screens in glorious 3D color. To me it was like one of those cosy sunday afternoon films on the telly where you slip your shoes off..knees up on the sofa...pour a glass of wine..darken the room and settle down cosily to watch a nostalgic old film of yesteryear for pure escapism. indeed thats what the whole spectacle was designed for to distract joe public away from todays serious world events.
Sitting there watching it all unfold on the screen it was so easy to slip into a trance like state of National pride and nostalgia....indeed I did for a while but it wasnt because I am woolly headed over the monarchy or believed in fairytails..no it was because I'm big on History and value some elements of Tradition even relating to past monarchy but I state here very clearly I'm not a Royalist...nor an I woolly headed over such things. I am a Realist and my head in stuck firmly in the 21st Century where it so belongs..its a pity more of the Mall flag wavers arent the same. I must stress here I'm not a moany ole spoilsport either The Royal family today are an oddity and in reality are little more then a Tourist attraction for foreign visitors of which the British economy relies upon because they flock here in their millions to view old Britain. Many Royal supporters will argue that they are a figurehead or brand label of this country and promote world trade because of the image of political stability they portray..I think there is some worth in this view but its hard to prove.
To me the Royal family represents Elitism and the class system in this country that has dogged us for generations. certainly oppressing the lower classes denying them opportunities and social standing. denying them political freedoms and advancement in many areas. The Royals also represent Empire which no longer exists and we all know past Empire ambitions oppressed other cultures in the world and invented Negro slavery. not to mention sowing the seeds of many of the world conflicts/wars we are experiencing today. Empire was good for an elitist few in the past but didnt give much to the lower classes. I argue that Empire should be assigned to the history books as a negative thing and not celebrated like it was at the Royal wedding. The Royals have no real political power in todays Britain and hardly influences Parliament..remember Parliament and Democracy only exists because of rebellion and civil war in this country thanks to Cromwell and his rebels. To re-instate the Monarchy after creating Parliament was a big mistake in my view. Like I said they are a modern oddity in todays world and represent very little.
I havent mentioned the happy couple whose day it was after all. I personally think they are both rather nice and appear reasonably down to earth [well the media have painted this picture]..indeed its hard not to like them and I sincerely wish them well. I just hope sweet Kate is fully aware [unlike Diana before her] what shes letting herself in for? being a Commoner she didnt have Posh Dianas training in the Aristocratic world she came from. Many will think the wearing of Dianas ring was a nice touch but it rings differently to me....its well written the royals view women as mere fillys there for breeding future kings as inbreeding is important to them and its well documented that after Princess Diana spouted a few male baby heirs she was more or less disgarded by the inner circle..even bonny Prince charlie chose to spend his private and intimate time with his mistress Camilla rather then his Princess wife. Theres that famous moment captured on film of newly engaged Charles and Diana speaking to the tv news camera when he was asked if he was in love?...his somber reply was " I'm not sure what love is"...she was there as a mere filly for breeding. lets hope sweet Kate doesnt suffer the same fate a few years down the line but I think shes safe until she sprouts male heirs dont you?
One of my biggest beefs on the wedding extravaganza is of course the cost. We must all be aware that we are currently suffering the worst recession since the 2nd world war and everyone in this island country is suffering as a result of cowboy bankers who were unregulated by government and of course semi corrupt government members toboot. Make no mistake we are in a very bad way out in the real world away from the fairytail wedding images. Out on the street our public services are being drastically cut and we havent seen the results of that yet. In our hospitals the cuts are savage as frontline nursing staff are being sacked and doctors are being forced out. Not to mention our current government are slowly selling off our precious NHS to the private sector. patient care is suffering and people are dying literally because of those cuts. in our schools teachers are not being employed for lack of money and classes are increasingly being run by teaching assistants which is scarey as the education of our children is vital. Our armed forces are being diluted to a frightening level with sackings right across the 3 forces and equipment being scrapped..yet the crazy thing is our corrupt government is getting us involved in new war conflicts that have nothing to do with us the latest being Liberia. its easy to forget our involvement in old wars in Afghanistan/Irag are costing this country many £millions each day.
add to this our arts budgets are being cut..our Libraries..our Charity organisations are going under...our industries are failing through lack of investments etc etc all this madness happening yet the fairytale Royal wedding is being funded via the already empty public purse. its estimated the wedding pomp itself has cost up to £100million and add to that the public holiday with lost industrial production of which our failing economy desperately needs will amount to almost £3-4 billion. Its really quite hard to take in the end costs and what reward does such expenditure bring? a few days of unity and public happiness/escapism? We are talking about one of the richest families in the world here with their £billion plus fortune and their riches increase every year because of the Royals investment and property/land ownership. I am outraged that we the suffering public had to finance this over the top display of elitism and class...if the Royals wanted to set an example and show they understand our current suffering in this country why didnt they finance this wedding? we're all in it together arent we?
I am of course aware the Royals give a lot of pleasure to millions of ordinary folk. I am not advocating here lining them up against the wall and shooting the lot of them..although it may not be a bad thing for our future. I would be happy to see them remain for the few positive reasons I mentioned somewhere above but..let the flag waving royalists agree to fund them by paying maybe an extra 50p tax per week and those who dont want them which numbers millions as well opt out of having their taxes taken without choice..thats fair and Democratic isnt it? I do understand why ordinary folk love them so much. The Royals represent a past age and values which are now lost in this country thanks to corrupt government policies that have dilluted the essence of this nation over the past 5 decades. People hark back to a time of morale standards and social community with institutions in place that bound us together etc those things are gone now and people wrongly think the Royals that represent a bygone age can bring that back...its misguided thinking in my view. if the British public can only get together in community during Royal events then we are in serious trouble...The fairytale Wedding does not reflect reality I'm afraid its as real as a tv soap. In the real world we live in streets where neighbours dont know one another and make no effort to do so. we have allowed ourselves to slip into an Orwellian Big Brother police state out there...the fairytale isnt true!
Indeed the Orwellian feared State did show its ugly face prior to the wedding event when big brother police raided umpteen addresses both in london and outside arresting innocent people on trumped up charges that they were suspected of plotting to disrupt the Royal event. including 3 London squats where whole families were thrown in jail cells for 3 days without charge..only on suspicion of pre-crimes. that is surely reminiscent of past Royal behavior ie throw them in the tower. Even the registered and legitimate protest groups had their freedom of speech taken away from them for 3 days so thats Royal Democracy in action..its not a fairytale vision I want to be part of....my Royal flag has no wind in its sail..god save the Queen! CALLEN
Words of Wisdom..... "To get to the end of the rainbow...you have to put up with the rain"
Sitting there watching it all unfold on the screen it was so easy to slip into a trance like state of National pride and nostalgia....indeed I did for a while but it wasnt because I am woolly headed over the monarchy or believed in fairytails..no it was because I'm big on History and value some elements of Tradition even relating to past monarchy but I state here very clearly I'm not a Royalist...nor an I woolly headed over such things. I am a Realist and my head in stuck firmly in the 21st Century where it so belongs..its a pity more of the Mall flag wavers arent the same. I must stress here I'm not a moany ole spoilsport either The Royal family today are an oddity and in reality are little more then a Tourist attraction for foreign visitors of which the British economy relies upon because they flock here in their millions to view old Britain. Many Royal supporters will argue that they are a figurehead or brand label of this country and promote world trade because of the image of political stability they portray..I think there is some worth in this view but its hard to prove.
To me the Royal family represents Elitism and the class system in this country that has dogged us for generations. certainly oppressing the lower classes denying them opportunities and social standing. denying them political freedoms and advancement in many areas. The Royals also represent Empire which no longer exists and we all know past Empire ambitions oppressed other cultures in the world and invented Negro slavery. not to mention sowing the seeds of many of the world conflicts/wars we are experiencing today. Empire was good for an elitist few in the past but didnt give much to the lower classes. I argue that Empire should be assigned to the history books as a negative thing and not celebrated like it was at the Royal wedding. The Royals have no real political power in todays Britain and hardly influences Parliament..remember Parliament and Democracy only exists because of rebellion and civil war in this country thanks to Cromwell and his rebels. To re-instate the Monarchy after creating Parliament was a big mistake in my view. Like I said they are a modern oddity in todays world and represent very little.
I havent mentioned the happy couple whose day it was after all. I personally think they are both rather nice and appear reasonably down to earth [well the media have painted this picture]..indeed its hard not to like them and I sincerely wish them well. I just hope sweet Kate is fully aware [unlike Diana before her] what shes letting herself in for? being a Commoner she didnt have Posh Dianas training in the Aristocratic world she came from. Many will think the wearing of Dianas ring was a nice touch but it rings differently to me....its well written the royals view women as mere fillys there for breeding future kings as inbreeding is important to them and its well documented that after Princess Diana spouted a few male baby heirs she was more or less disgarded by the inner circle..even bonny Prince charlie chose to spend his private and intimate time with his mistress Camilla rather then his Princess wife. Theres that famous moment captured on film of newly engaged Charles and Diana speaking to the tv news camera when he was asked if he was in love?...his somber reply was " I'm not sure what love is"...she was there as a mere filly for breeding. lets hope sweet Kate doesnt suffer the same fate a few years down the line but I think shes safe until she sprouts male heirs dont you?
One of my biggest beefs on the wedding extravaganza is of course the cost. We must all be aware that we are currently suffering the worst recession since the 2nd world war and everyone in this island country is suffering as a result of cowboy bankers who were unregulated by government and of course semi corrupt government members toboot. Make no mistake we are in a very bad way out in the real world away from the fairytail wedding images. Out on the street our public services are being drastically cut and we havent seen the results of that yet. In our hospitals the cuts are savage as frontline nursing staff are being sacked and doctors are being forced out. Not to mention our current government are slowly selling off our precious NHS to the private sector. patient care is suffering and people are dying literally because of those cuts. in our schools teachers are not being employed for lack of money and classes are increasingly being run by teaching assistants which is scarey as the education of our children is vital. Our armed forces are being diluted to a frightening level with sackings right across the 3 forces and equipment being scrapped..yet the crazy thing is our corrupt government is getting us involved in new war conflicts that have nothing to do with us the latest being Liberia. its easy to forget our involvement in old wars in Afghanistan/Irag are costing this country many £millions each day.
add to this our arts budgets are being cut..our Libraries..our Charity organisations are going under...our industries are failing through lack of investments etc etc all this madness happening yet the fairytale Royal wedding is being funded via the already empty public purse. its estimated the wedding pomp itself has cost up to £100million and add to that the public holiday with lost industrial production of which our failing economy desperately needs will amount to almost £3-4 billion. Its really quite hard to take in the end costs and what reward does such expenditure bring? a few days of unity and public happiness/escapism? We are talking about one of the richest families in the world here with their £billion plus fortune and their riches increase every year because of the Royals investment and property/land ownership. I am outraged that we the suffering public had to finance this over the top display of elitism and class...if the Royals wanted to set an example and show they understand our current suffering in this country why didnt they finance this wedding? we're all in it together arent we?
I am of course aware the Royals give a lot of pleasure to millions of ordinary folk. I am not advocating here lining them up against the wall and shooting the lot of them..although it may not be a bad thing for our future. I would be happy to see them remain for the few positive reasons I mentioned somewhere above but..let the flag waving royalists agree to fund them by paying maybe an extra 50p tax per week and those who dont want them which numbers millions as well opt out of having their taxes taken without choice..thats fair and Democratic isnt it? I do understand why ordinary folk love them so much. The Royals represent a past age and values which are now lost in this country thanks to corrupt government policies that have dilluted the essence of this nation over the past 5 decades. People hark back to a time of morale standards and social community with institutions in place that bound us together etc those things are gone now and people wrongly think the Royals that represent a bygone age can bring that back...its misguided thinking in my view. if the British public can only get together in community during Royal events then we are in serious trouble...The fairytale Wedding does not reflect reality I'm afraid its as real as a tv soap. In the real world we live in streets where neighbours dont know one another and make no effort to do so. we have allowed ourselves to slip into an Orwellian Big Brother police state out there...the fairytale isnt true!
Indeed the Orwellian feared State did show its ugly face prior to the wedding event when big brother police raided umpteen addresses both in london and outside arresting innocent people on trumped up charges that they were suspected of plotting to disrupt the Royal event. including 3 London squats where whole families were thrown in jail cells for 3 days without charge..only on suspicion of pre-crimes. that is surely reminiscent of past Royal behavior ie throw them in the tower. Even the registered and legitimate protest groups had their freedom of speech taken away from them for 3 days so thats Royal Democracy in action..its not a fairytale vision I want to be part of....my Royal flag has no wind in its sail..god save the Queen! CALLEN
Words of Wisdom..... "To get to the end of the rainbow...you have to put up with the rain"
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
TURN TO STONE
" Have you ever felt the wind blow softly on your face "
when the stars hung like diamonds in the sky........
Have you ever tasted teardrops when your dreams have been erased
when the love you loved has turned and said "goodbye"
Have you ever seen the morning when its drawn upon the mountain
and the mist is like a blanket upon the sky........
Have you ever heard your own heart when its crying and shouting
at the one you loved who just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers
now shes gone and I am left alone
Theres nothing left here but things to remember...
the way her heart has turned to stone
Have you ever seen a moment like the black of midnite
when you felt your life was over and you cried
Have you ever prayed to your maker when just living was too much
when the one you loved just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers now shes gone
I am left here alone with nothing but things to remember
oh lord my heart has turned to stone.
Words of Wisdom......" To create art means putting ones head..ones eye..ones heart on the same axis "
when the stars hung like diamonds in the sky........
Have you ever tasted teardrops when your dreams have been erased
when the love you loved has turned and said "goodbye"
Have you ever seen the morning when its drawn upon the mountain
and the mist is like a blanket upon the sky........
Have you ever heard your own heart when its crying and shouting
at the one you loved who just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers
now shes gone and I am left alone
Theres nothing left here but things to remember...
the way her heart has turned to stone
Have you ever seen a moment like the black of midnite
when you felt your life was over and you cried
Have you ever prayed to your maker when just living was too much
when the one you loved just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers now shes gone
I am left here alone with nothing but things to remember
oh lord my heart has turned to stone.
Words of Wisdom......" To create art means putting ones head..ones eye..ones heart on the same axis "
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
