Marriage.....can it work or be happy in modern times?

Someone asked my views on marriage recently. They wondered if it was in the age of equality an outdated institution with old fashioned values and expectations? That the religious blessing and state licence in the form of a certificate wasnt worth bothering about as hardly anyone goes to church these days except for births deaths and a percentage of marriages That its meaning has been devalued beyond recognition in the shape of todays society, And does it matter anyway because just Living Together is the same. Plus there isnt any social stigma of not being married today as there still was 40 years ago. The big question can you be happily married?...............hmm its a difficult question to answer.




My thoughts on Marriage today............ In my youth I was anti-marriage and believed quite strongly that it belonged to a past era. but than youth knows everything they think and everyone else is wrong. Having matured and hopfully grown wise and fair minded in my prime years I think more deeply. I now believe in the security and contentment of marriage. we dont have any training for marriage apart from observing as children our parents relationship and depending on how good/bad that was its bound to shape our perceptions on getting married. we make mistakes like in any partnership its part of the learning process
but the important thing is to learn from them as we have emotions involved. Being humans we are not solitary creatures but have a deep need for a mate or group. we dream of meeting the perfect partner in adult life like a hand that fits the perfect glove but......only some of us are lucky enough to achieve that Its not a realistic view.

many view marriage as a fairy tale scenario and have unrealistic expectations but the reality is different. we need to treat marriage as an emotional working partnership with the important ingredients like tolerance, understanding, patience, trust as part of the mix. we need to adopt an adult view of life together plus the changes that people go through at certain ages because such things confuse us when they happen with a partner.we do change our perceptions with time and partners need to understand and adapt to those sometimes confusing changes in life.


we also need to learn to step back and deal with emotional upsets like an argument which so often ends up in a tit for tat war and scoring browny points. let your partner win sometimes even though you know you are right it will pay dividends later on in the relationship and respect is earned from such tactics. marriages that tend to last have one partner whos more submissive than the other in personality and can step back at important stages without suffering pain. Men find this difficult to do because of their macho role and silly male pride. in the past women were expected to take the submissive role as the man was the main bread winner and traditionally the head of the family as in Victorian times. equality and shared opportunities has upset that balance now men are confused to what their roles are? Traditional marriage cannot survive in an age of equality in my view unless the partners want it to be the same as their parents relationship and many do. But we can easily make changes to suit albeit in a contractsual sense to bring marriage up to date. equality can rest easily within marriage if agreements are set. I believe now that a marriage certificate and religious blessing is important psychologically because it causes a sense of security and worth to the partnership....its a framework to work by and more importantly for your children.....every child deserves that family security! To have no traditional religious bond or legal contract causes a diluted sense of purpose and flippant attitudes..often leading to walking out the door during heated arguments and maybe committing adultery...even in such circumstances modern law will back the deserter/adulterer and that cant be right.



it is unlikely you will ever meet the perfect partner in compatibility. of course love at first is blind and glosses over all the bumps and cracks.these will emerge later when the fairytale period is over [ honeymoon period can last years ] to find things that match ie personality...character...emotional needs...sexual needs and compatibility...social templates...views on interests,politics, bringing up children, religion etc etc all will rarely match as you would hope but...and its a BIG but...if you can find a way to compromise on many issues and still find contentment, peace, than really marriage in my view is the happiest state to be in on this planet.we need to learn how to be happy with another person.The old cliches come in here but they ring oh so true ie if you can be best friends and enjoy each others company than the chances are you will ride the rough patches that are bound to come....pull together and grow together through the changes than marriage is great! sadly its a lottery...we have to work for all those things and hope it works...we can never know or be sure...but its worth trying for in my view. CALLEN







PS. Words of wisdom... " Without love in your heart its little more than a ticking clock ticking..."