So that's it then. The Iraq War is at an end. The long awaited conclusion as the final US soldiers leave the country, closing the gate behind them with a kick.
That's it. The end. Forget the lies. Forget the war crimes. Forget mistreating and killing defenceless prisoners. Remember the victory instead. Mr Obama needs the big-up before next year's elections.
But, of course, the war isn't over any more than Vietnam came to an end for the poor American vets who count their days ekeing out an existence.
In Iraq the violence continues, albeit intermittently. And there will be no comfort for the families of those who died, or those dreadfully injured in body and mind.
Media attention has, of course, been on the thousands of western soldiers that will never return. As if anyone from outside can truly grasp losing loved ones in a war so damningly dishonest, purposeless, wasteful and evil.But nowhere is the attention given to the 150,000 Iraqis killed, a number which remains uncertain because nobody from the Alliance counted them. The same for the lack of support for the hundreds of thousands wounded or who will spend the rest of their days suffering from the effects of uranium bullets and other accursed modern war weaponry.
Is the war really at an end when the USA intend to build a gigantic embassy in Iraq with, according to some commentators, up to 13,000 employees, including private sector mercenaries who have shown themselves to be willing to shoot first and ask questions later, in the good old traditions of the Wild West?
Is the war at an end with western dominance eyeing up the loathsome Iran and Syria?
I could write volumes about Iraq, and the criminal acts perpetrated by allied forces there.
Plaid Cymru opposed the war from its first jingoistic origins. Later we tried to impeach Tony Blair before realising that the other parties wouldn't scrutinise the behaviour of a man who, incredibly, is now a peace envoy in the middle east.
George Bush's policy appeared so pointless, filled with black humour from the moment that preparations for war in Iraq began following 9/11, on the same grounds as if after Pearl Harbour the US had begun a war with Mexico.
Was it a pointless war? No chance! The purpose was all too clear, confirming imperial power in an important strategic part of the world already cursed with considerable wealth. Woe is Syria. Woe is Iran.
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Saturday 17 December 2011
no more heroes anymore....
We all know life is little more then a short journey. more shorter for some then others. we try to cram as much as we can into that space of time....some manage to fill it with so much and shine above the crowd so much so that we cant help but notice them and be influenced by them. The mass modern media machine ensures they get noticed by millions across the globe. This man stood out because he wasnt afraid to challenge the rich and powerful...to criticise them and expose what he considered to be wrong or unjust regardless. he was an academic and a deep thinker..he was courageous and stubborn..he was rich and could so easily have lived a quiet cosy safe life going with the flow but...he chose to rattle cages and defend the little man making many enemies in the process, an opinionated loud mouth..a trouble maker..a whistle blower..an angry rebel..a traitor to his class system etc etc oh lord wouldnt this world be a worser place without men of conscience? if such a thing as a hero exists or is a valued thing then he was that to me. I am sad today...I feel an emptiness inside.I feel more alone in this crazy world..why? because one of my heroes just died! CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS Journalist/Author/Social Commentator/Academic etc has died aged 62 of cancer...R.I.P. HITCH!
[Obituary]
'Over the course of his career the self-confessed contrarian gleefully picked fights with political opponents, Nobel Peace Prize winners and religious believers of all faiths.
He fired his trademark put-downs and scathing critiques at figures such as Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton and Mother Teresa.
Family ties were no barrier either. He famously fell out with his brother, Mail On Sunday journalist Peter, though the pair were reconciled.
Hitchens published scores of books, thousands of articles and made countless television appearances where he could always be relied upon to provide a stream of serious but witty put-downs.
The publication of his 2007 book God Is Not Great made him a major celebrity in his adopted homeland of the United States, and he happily took on the role of the country's best-known atheist.
He maintained his devout atheism after being diagnosed with cancer in 2010, telling one interviewer: "No evidence or argument has yet been presented which would change my mind. But I like surprises."
The Anglo-American iconoclast – he became a United States citizen in 2007 – had very traditional English beginnings. The son of a naval officer, he was born in Portsmouth and educated at private school and Oxford University.
His student days set the pattern for the rest of his life and he freely admitted living a split existence, spending his days as a campaigning left-wing socialist and his nights wining and dining with the great and the good of Oxford.
Strong drink and political argument would remain among his chief pleasures for the rest of his life.
His early career in journalism saw him write for left-wing weekly The New Statesman where he became associated with a group of young writers including Martin Amis, Ian McEwan and Salman Rushdie.
Those friendships endured but many old comrades turned their back on him when he supported the invasion of Iraq in 2003.
He famously traded insults with George Galloway who described him as "a drink-soaked former Trotskyist popinjay".
Hitchens was promoting his memoirs, Hitch-22, when he was diagnosed with cancer.
He did not stop working, telling one interviewer: "I was very afraid that it would stop me writing. I was really petrified with fear about that because I thought that would, among other things, diminish my will to live.
"Being a writer is what I am, rather than what I do."
Hitchens is survived by his wife and three children.'
.....................................................................................
[Related article]
'It’s strange to mourn the passing of a person you’ve never met. It feels hollow, just a little unjustifiable, and as though you’re somewhat unequipped for the undertaking. Usually we are left with a myriad of moments to recollect and reconcile, to render into something approaching the complexity of life. Here we are left holding scraps of paper, dog-eared and lovingly wrecked, that we must read again for clues, or even simply the pleasure of a previously overlooked aphorism.
For those of us who only read (and watched and heard) Christopher Hitchens, who were never lucky enough to play spectator to the late night drinking and later night writing, who had to wait until the morning to see in print the fierce disputation and bone-dry wit that marked his life, the hole left by his death is not a dramatic wrench to the heart, but one that will appear more slowly, deepening and widening as his absence is felt more and more with every passing event. Why? Because Hitchens was not a stock figure who could be rolled out to offer controversy. He was a journalist who made himself vital, who – as he tells us in his memoir – was constantly nagged by the feeling of being “found out” at any moment.
For Hitch, it seems to those of us who truly admired him, was not simply an atheist, a polemicist, and least of all a contrarian. Nor was he a poster boy the left, a banner boy for Iraq, or the harbinger of the apocalypse. He was, in a small part, the 21st century’s answer to the enlightenment. He stood, first and formost, for thought. Thought that would always – by definition – question inherited truth and inherited experts.Thought that could break the chain and cull the living flower. In fact, he can be - and often is – mentioned alongside Dostoyevsky, Voltaire, Orwell and Trotsky not for what he thought, but for how he thought. If, as Joseph Conrad wrote, criticism is the fine flower in the garden of letters, Hitch – before a culling of a more brutal kind – was amongst the finest of the season.
It is not exactly true to say that I have had no ‘real’ contact with the man. After being given his e-mail address by a colleague (upon request) I wrote to offer my condolences and thanks. Asking for some reassurance that the itch to scribble is at least worth scratching he replied (in lightning speed):
“Pay heed to Rainer Marie Rilke’s question about whether you could go on living if you were prevented from writing. Once answer “no”, and the lesser problems fall away. This is simply because you have chosen to do what you should and must and are immune from petit-bourgeois regrets about other career-paths not taken. Then it begins, and you have a life and not an ‘occupation’.”
This is the great gift of the hitch. His lust for the living, the documentation and the criticism of life has cut a path that we are implored to follow. Especially those of us who, at the start of our journey, look upon the road less travelled by and notice its general lack of congestion. Even now, in the response to his death, coverage has been painfully predictable. Take the BBC who, in one of the worst mischaracterisations of a career since Darwins deathbed recanting, claimed Hitchen’s “called himself a contrarian.” It wouldn’t be so bad if a 10-minute YouTube spiral didn’t so easily reveal that ‘contrarian’ was a label against which he regularly railed, and for which he lambasted his publishers.
However, stranger still have been the stock responses, which were published with such speed that it would seem they have been written for weeks. And as though confirming the conspiracy, the lines, the conclusions, even the pithy turns of phrase, have been heard before, everyday. From diagnosis to departure, the sycophancy has been shocking. An event hosted by Stephen Fry on South Bank, which saw Hitch replaced with touching camaraderie by his closest friends (and Sean Penn), was so sickeningly fawning that a circle-jerk would have ended more tastefully. It was a memorial service without the casket. And how its subject must have blushed. Hitchens was not Mother Theresa; those of us who loved him should not fall victim to the same candy-coated canonisation as those who loved her. We are better than that.
We must remember him for who he was; one of us. One of a “stupid, poorly-evolved mammalian species, whose pre-frontal lobes are too small, and adrenalin glands too big, whose thumb-finger opposition isn’t all that it might be, who is afraid of the dark, and afraid to die.”
Admittedly, though, a remarkably good example of one.
As of this morning we have lost one of our best. We have been left standing in the dark, holding a candle lit at both ends and arms filled with scraps of paper, dog-eared and lovingly wrecked, the cover of which reads:
“Beware the irrational, however seductive. Shun the ‘transcendent’ and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself. Distrust compassion; prefer dignity for yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to be thought arrogant or selfish. Picture all experts as if they were mammals. Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses. Do not live for others any more than you would expect others to live for you.”
[Obituary]
'Over the course of his career the self-confessed contrarian gleefully picked fights with political opponents, Nobel Peace Prize winners and religious believers of all faiths.
He fired his trademark put-downs and scathing critiques at figures such as Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton and Mother Teresa.
Family ties were no barrier either. He famously fell out with his brother, Mail On Sunday journalist Peter, though the pair were reconciled.
Hitchens published scores of books, thousands of articles and made countless television appearances where he could always be relied upon to provide a stream of serious but witty put-downs.
The publication of his 2007 book God Is Not Great made him a major celebrity in his adopted homeland of the United States, and he happily took on the role of the country's best-known atheist.
He maintained his devout atheism after being diagnosed with cancer in 2010, telling one interviewer: "No evidence or argument has yet been presented which would change my mind. But I like surprises."
The Anglo-American iconoclast – he became a United States citizen in 2007 – had very traditional English beginnings. The son of a naval officer, he was born in Portsmouth and educated at private school and Oxford University.
His student days set the pattern for the rest of his life and he freely admitted living a split existence, spending his days as a campaigning left-wing socialist and his nights wining and dining with the great and the good of Oxford.
Strong drink and political argument would remain among his chief pleasures for the rest of his life.
His early career in journalism saw him write for left-wing weekly The New Statesman where he became associated with a group of young writers including Martin Amis, Ian McEwan and Salman Rushdie.
Those friendships endured but many old comrades turned their back on him when he supported the invasion of Iraq in 2003.
He famously traded insults with George Galloway who described him as "a drink-soaked former Trotskyist popinjay".
Hitchens was promoting his memoirs, Hitch-22, when he was diagnosed with cancer.
He did not stop working, telling one interviewer: "I was very afraid that it would stop me writing. I was really petrified with fear about that because I thought that would, among other things, diminish my will to live.
"Being a writer is what I am, rather than what I do."
Hitchens is survived by his wife and three children.'
.....................................................................................
[Related article]
'It’s strange to mourn the passing of a person you’ve never met. It feels hollow, just a little unjustifiable, and as though you’re somewhat unequipped for the undertaking. Usually we are left with a myriad of moments to recollect and reconcile, to render into something approaching the complexity of life. Here we are left holding scraps of paper, dog-eared and lovingly wrecked, that we must read again for clues, or even simply the pleasure of a previously overlooked aphorism.
For those of us who only read (and watched and heard) Christopher Hitchens, who were never lucky enough to play spectator to the late night drinking and later night writing, who had to wait until the morning to see in print the fierce disputation and bone-dry wit that marked his life, the hole left by his death is not a dramatic wrench to the heart, but one that will appear more slowly, deepening and widening as his absence is felt more and more with every passing event. Why? Because Hitchens was not a stock figure who could be rolled out to offer controversy. He was a journalist who made himself vital, who – as he tells us in his memoir – was constantly nagged by the feeling of being “found out” at any moment.
For Hitch, it seems to those of us who truly admired him, was not simply an atheist, a polemicist, and least of all a contrarian. Nor was he a poster boy the left, a banner boy for Iraq, or the harbinger of the apocalypse. He was, in a small part, the 21st century’s answer to the enlightenment. He stood, first and formost, for thought. Thought that would always – by definition – question inherited truth and inherited experts.Thought that could break the chain and cull the living flower. In fact, he can be - and often is – mentioned alongside Dostoyevsky, Voltaire, Orwell and Trotsky not for what he thought, but for how he thought. If, as Joseph Conrad wrote, criticism is the fine flower in the garden of letters, Hitch – before a culling of a more brutal kind – was amongst the finest of the season.
It is not exactly true to say that I have had no ‘real’ contact with the man. After being given his e-mail address by a colleague (upon request) I wrote to offer my condolences and thanks. Asking for some reassurance that the itch to scribble is at least worth scratching he replied (in lightning speed):
“Pay heed to Rainer Marie Rilke’s question about whether you could go on living if you were prevented from writing. Once answer “no”, and the lesser problems fall away. This is simply because you have chosen to do what you should and must and are immune from petit-bourgeois regrets about other career-paths not taken. Then it begins, and you have a life and not an ‘occupation’.”
This is the great gift of the hitch. His lust for the living, the documentation and the criticism of life has cut a path that we are implored to follow. Especially those of us who, at the start of our journey, look upon the road less travelled by and notice its general lack of congestion. Even now, in the response to his death, coverage has been painfully predictable. Take the BBC who, in one of the worst mischaracterisations of a career since Darwins deathbed recanting, claimed Hitchen’s “called himself a contrarian.” It wouldn’t be so bad if a 10-minute YouTube spiral didn’t so easily reveal that ‘contrarian’ was a label against which he regularly railed, and for which he lambasted his publishers.
However, stranger still have been the stock responses, which were published with such speed that it would seem they have been written for weeks. And as though confirming the conspiracy, the lines, the conclusions, even the pithy turns of phrase, have been heard before, everyday. From diagnosis to departure, the sycophancy has been shocking. An event hosted by Stephen Fry on South Bank, which saw Hitch replaced with touching camaraderie by his closest friends (and Sean Penn), was so sickeningly fawning that a circle-jerk would have ended more tastefully. It was a memorial service without the casket. And how its subject must have blushed. Hitchens was not Mother Theresa; those of us who loved him should not fall victim to the same candy-coated canonisation as those who loved her. We are better than that.
We must remember him for who he was; one of us. One of a “stupid, poorly-evolved mammalian species, whose pre-frontal lobes are too small, and adrenalin glands too big, whose thumb-finger opposition isn’t all that it might be, who is afraid of the dark, and afraid to die.”
Admittedly, though, a remarkably good example of one.
As of this morning we have lost one of our best. We have been left standing in the dark, holding a candle lit at both ends and arms filled with scraps of paper, dog-eared and lovingly wrecked, the cover of which reads:
“Beware the irrational, however seductive. Shun the ‘transcendent’ and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself. Distrust compassion; prefer dignity for yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to be thought arrogant or selfish. Picture all experts as if they were mammals. Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses. Do not live for others any more than you would expect others to live for you.”
Tuesday 27 September 2011
Hollywood reminders of a living nitemare
I sat in front of the TV getting quite emotional....tearful in fact. I felt quite silly really as this had happened before and I should have been prepared at least or hardened to this particular scene but no...it effected me yet again much the same as before and my raw emotions just took over. I am talking about the work of that genius film Director Steven Spielberg and his award winning classic film 'Saving Private Ryan'. Its the end scene..remember it? its where the main character of the story James Frances Ryan [Private Ryan] is now a world weary grandfather in his 60s who has traveled to the old battlefields of France with his extended family consisting of his loving wife...sons/daughters and grandchildren in order to pay his respects to his old fallen comrades of decades before. In a way its a gesture of respect and closure for him as he enters his twilight years and to help the younger members of his family understand the huge sacrifices made for them by his generation to ensure their happiness/freedom. Its a very emotive scene as the camera pans in close to his face...eyes that tell a bleak story and tears slowly appear. he chokes on his words as he speaks to the gravestone of his fallen comrade saying that hes tried to lead a good fruitful life and followed his advice from all those years ago in that war torn landscape. His wife who is standing behind him notices his deep upset and moves forward to comfort him...he turns to her and asks her..."have I lead a good life?...tell me I've lead a good life"...etc etc its a very moving scene and translates perfectly the complete horror/waste of war.
Its funny I simply cant watch that film without it ending the same every time with me ie in tears and very shook up. why? I guess because I am a very caring sensitive person allied to a hard shell also. if you were to ask me what was the most shocking event in the 20th Century for me personally I wouldnt quote national disasters that killed thousands of innocent people...nor would I quote deliberate criminal acts of evil....or full scale wars that ripped a generation of healthy youth apart and solved very little etc but I would quote the orchestrated evil of the Holocaust during the 1930s/40s that was dealt to truly innocent men woman and children as the one event that effected me most even though I wasnt born until 5 years after its end and can only rely on history text mostly to understand it. plus of course the horrific film footage recovered and actual witness accounts. The passing of years since that terrible event which adds up to 66 now hasnt even slightly diminished the agonising impact of what happened to me. ones rational mind and sense of incredibility keeps the painful thoughts of it fresh in my head because I dont want to accept civilised human beings could do such an evil thing because of a Political Ideology but....they did without much question. The film 'Saving Private Ryan' relates to and reminds me of that period and its crazy events hence my deep emotions while watching that scene above..that brave good people laid down their lives to rid the world of unadulterated evil Ideology..only fools will will be insensitive toward such a thing.
History is my thing and I do enjoy researching about a lot of it particularly the mayhem of the Second World War..its reasons and causes..its thinking and mechanisms that allowed events to unfold as they did. Armies armed to the teeth and facing one another on the battlefield because of some Political differences is one thing and history books glorify the colorful drama with feelings of National pride and evolution with god on our side tosh...but for a Democratically elected government to brainwash its citizens in an evil racial way against sections of your own community and then declare war on parts of the civilian population leading to their murders in especially constructed murder factories is almost inconceivable to a civilised person..how could that evolve?..happen?...how? because of this real human tragedy that happened I have always been drawn to look for answers about the Holocaust in an attempt to understand somehow. War films always related to this in parts for me..how could it not? hence I have researched it thoroughly over the years and snippets always comes to the surface of what happened to ordinary innocent people caught up in that sad page of history through no fault of their own...every day events like.....
When the German army conquered land in their invasion of Russia in June 1941 during operation Barbarossa they had strict instructions to show no mercy to the civilian population of the villages/towns/cities they over run. that the Peasants were inferior and of the level of animals...that all Jewish families and Communist party supporters were to be shot on sight coldly..men women and children...every building were to be torched as you passed through and if the buildings inhabitants ran out of the burning buildings just shoot them....this became the norm for almost every fighting unit in the field with some exceptions. That whole communities were to be rounded up and killed. In some regions there were even recorded instances of old ex soldiers who Fought for the German army during World War One coming out wearing their old medals to greet the advancing German army only to be beaten and cruelly killed by the troops as they openly mocked their victims. How they killed the children in front of their parents just to maximise the agony aspects of their evil deeds.
In the specially constructed Concentration Camps or death factories scattered alover occupied Europe the regime was of hate and suffering daily. Children were automatically separated from parents as was men from women. The young/strong were put to grueling work on starvation rations of watery vegetable soup that caused almost instant diarrhea and dysentry. Their survival period was a few weeks usually. Children were either killed straight away by lethal injection or medically experimented on...they were all condemned to death anyway so...women were worked to death or served as slaves in the service parts of the camp and the turnover was again high because of the lack of food and beatings.
Even though the camps were always full to over flowing daily trainloads of Jews arrived from all parts of Europe usually 20-40,000 at a time and sometimes twice in a 24 hr period. these unfortunate victims which consisted of whole families of mum/dad with children and grand parents to had already endured months/years of ill treatment and partial starvation in segregated ghetto areas of occupied countries...had just suffered a journey of often days without food/water in cattle trucks to arrive weak and confused/fearful for their families to be herded in their thousands by sadistic guards with vicious dogs and whips to be split up ie woman on one side men on the other. children taken away with the old and crippled/infirm. told they must enter large sheds and strip off in order to take a communal shower and be deloused before going to the camp. to be herded naked and afraid down specially shielded laneways often with fake signs to delude them and played music to end up in large fake shower rooms that held a thousand at a time only to be cruelly gassed. the guards boasted they could clear a train load of 30,000 people from disembarking to to the burning death pits at the rear of the gas chambers ready to be buried or burned etc in 2-3 hours...industrially efficient and impressive if it wasnt for the human victims.
I am reminded of the thousands women awaiting their turn to be showered standing often in freezing weather completely naked half knowing they were about to be killed...standing huddled and shivering in a sea of human flesh and many emptying their bowls on the hard concrete floors because of sheer fear..how some were so desperate they committed suicide by slitting their wrists/necks to end the agony and some helping their grand parents or older children to do the same. I am haunted by the thousands of naked men suffering the same fate naked in long rows who were hurriedly taken before the women to their deaths as the guards feared more resistance hence they treated more brutally with whips snarling dogs who bit their naked flesh as they passed and some guards openly used swords to to wound and increase the fear in the crowd...those who found the strength/courage to resist who were few in number were instantly shot dead on the spot....imagine the noise and confusion of 30-40.000 people being processed at the beginning and two short hours later a deathly silence hung over the whole area...all dead and being buried or burned in pits..piles of human flesh....twisted hurt cold faces...erased from this world...blood to be cleaned away and any clues that this place was busy with human presence...ready for another train load a few hours later...can this thing be real? did it really happen?
I have only touched the surface of facts here..of what took place in a cold blooded efficient industrialised manner. There are enough agonising individual stories that would take a life time to tell.....yes war films remind me of the whole picture of past events of that period. it is important to remember dont you think? we must remember in the hope it will prevent ordinary people in extraordinary situations in the future from not doing the same again..yes it was ordinary people who worked the mechanics of those camps..who worked the trains..who did the admin..who cooked the guards meals..who followed orders without question...we must not forget that! Thank you Steven Spielberg for reminding me. CALLEN
Words of Wisdom......."Only clowns and the empty minded laugh all the time"
Its funny I simply cant watch that film without it ending the same every time with me ie in tears and very shook up. why? I guess because I am a very caring sensitive person allied to a hard shell also. if you were to ask me what was the most shocking event in the 20th Century for me personally I wouldnt quote national disasters that killed thousands of innocent people...nor would I quote deliberate criminal acts of evil....or full scale wars that ripped a generation of healthy youth apart and solved very little etc but I would quote the orchestrated evil of the Holocaust during the 1930s/40s that was dealt to truly innocent men woman and children as the one event that effected me most even though I wasnt born until 5 years after its end and can only rely on history text mostly to understand it. plus of course the horrific film footage recovered and actual witness accounts. The passing of years since that terrible event which adds up to 66 now hasnt even slightly diminished the agonising impact of what happened to me. ones rational mind and sense of incredibility keeps the painful thoughts of it fresh in my head because I dont want to accept civilised human beings could do such an evil thing because of a Political Ideology but....they did without much question. The film 'Saving Private Ryan' relates to and reminds me of that period and its crazy events hence my deep emotions while watching that scene above..that brave good people laid down their lives to rid the world of unadulterated evil Ideology..only fools will will be insensitive toward such a thing.
History is my thing and I do enjoy researching about a lot of it particularly the mayhem of the Second World War..its reasons and causes..its thinking and mechanisms that allowed events to unfold as they did. Armies armed to the teeth and facing one another on the battlefield because of some Political differences is one thing and history books glorify the colorful drama with feelings of National pride and evolution with god on our side tosh...but for a Democratically elected government to brainwash its citizens in an evil racial way against sections of your own community and then declare war on parts of the civilian population leading to their murders in especially constructed murder factories is almost inconceivable to a civilised person..how could that evolve?..happen?...how? because of this real human tragedy that happened I have always been drawn to look for answers about the Holocaust in an attempt to understand somehow. War films always related to this in parts for me..how could it not? hence I have researched it thoroughly over the years and snippets always comes to the surface of what happened to ordinary innocent people caught up in that sad page of history through no fault of their own...every day events like.....
When the German army conquered land in their invasion of Russia in June 1941 during operation Barbarossa they had strict instructions to show no mercy to the civilian population of the villages/towns/cities they over run. that the Peasants were inferior and of the level of animals...that all Jewish families and Communist party supporters were to be shot on sight coldly..men women and children...every building were to be torched as you passed through and if the buildings inhabitants ran out of the burning buildings just shoot them....this became the norm for almost every fighting unit in the field with some exceptions. That whole communities were to be rounded up and killed. In some regions there were even recorded instances of old ex soldiers who Fought for the German army during World War One coming out wearing their old medals to greet the advancing German army only to be beaten and cruelly killed by the troops as they openly mocked their victims. How they killed the children in front of their parents just to maximise the agony aspects of their evil deeds.
In the specially constructed Concentration Camps or death factories scattered alover occupied Europe the regime was of hate and suffering daily. Children were automatically separated from parents as was men from women. The young/strong were put to grueling work on starvation rations of watery vegetable soup that caused almost instant diarrhea and dysentry. Their survival period was a few weeks usually. Children were either killed straight away by lethal injection or medically experimented on...they were all condemned to death anyway so...women were worked to death or served as slaves in the service parts of the camp and the turnover was again high because of the lack of food and beatings.
Even though the camps were always full to over flowing daily trainloads of Jews arrived from all parts of Europe usually 20-40,000 at a time and sometimes twice in a 24 hr period. these unfortunate victims which consisted of whole families of mum/dad with children and grand parents to had already endured months/years of ill treatment and partial starvation in segregated ghetto areas of occupied countries...had just suffered a journey of often days without food/water in cattle trucks to arrive weak and confused/fearful for their families to be herded in their thousands by sadistic guards with vicious dogs and whips to be split up ie woman on one side men on the other. children taken away with the old and crippled/infirm. told they must enter large sheds and strip off in order to take a communal shower and be deloused before going to the camp. to be herded naked and afraid down specially shielded laneways often with fake signs to delude them and played music to end up in large fake shower rooms that held a thousand at a time only to be cruelly gassed. the guards boasted they could clear a train load of 30,000 people from disembarking to to the burning death pits at the rear of the gas chambers ready to be buried or burned etc in 2-3 hours...industrially efficient and impressive if it wasnt for the human victims.
I am reminded of the thousands women awaiting their turn to be showered standing often in freezing weather completely naked half knowing they were about to be killed...standing huddled and shivering in a sea of human flesh and many emptying their bowls on the hard concrete floors because of sheer fear..how some were so desperate they committed suicide by slitting their wrists/necks to end the agony and some helping their grand parents or older children to do the same. I am haunted by the thousands of naked men suffering the same fate naked in long rows who were hurriedly taken before the women to their deaths as the guards feared more resistance hence they treated more brutally with whips snarling dogs who bit their naked flesh as they passed and some guards openly used swords to to wound and increase the fear in the crowd...those who found the strength/courage to resist who were few in number were instantly shot dead on the spot....imagine the noise and confusion of 30-40.000 people being processed at the beginning and two short hours later a deathly silence hung over the whole area...all dead and being buried or burned in pits..piles of human flesh....twisted hurt cold faces...erased from this world...blood to be cleaned away and any clues that this place was busy with human presence...ready for another train load a few hours later...can this thing be real? did it really happen?
I have only touched the surface of facts here..of what took place in a cold blooded efficient industrialised manner. There are enough agonising individual stories that would take a life time to tell.....yes war films remind me of the whole picture of past events of that period. it is important to remember dont you think? we must remember in the hope it will prevent ordinary people in extraordinary situations in the future from not doing the same again..yes it was ordinary people who worked the mechanics of those camps..who worked the trains..who did the admin..who cooked the guards meals..who followed orders without question...we must not forget that! Thank you Steven Spielberg for reminding me. CALLEN
Words of Wisdom......."Only clowns and the empty minded laugh all the time"
Sunday 28 August 2011
A lost friend....
Life back in 2005 was pretty good over all. I was always a free spirit with a very open mind although this was entwined with a stabilising framework of traditional values to..I may have had periods of being wild and rebellious but that didnt mean reckless. I flirted with the social sex drugs rock'n'roll life style theme with music at its centre namely the regions live rock scene which involved music pubs/venues/festivals and places to hang out fellow Alternative types. I had a comrade in arms who shared my love of this music influenced world called Gary. he was 4 years younger then I and we grew up in the same small Suffolk market town here in Eastern England. Although we didnt really know each other as children but were thrown together in our late teens because of our love of Rock music and visiting local venues. We became firm friends and hung out together more and more through the years because of the music link.Gary had never married and during this period I was divorced which provided plenty of free time for social activities.
We would routinely arrange meet ups for gigs and festivals often traveling hundreds of miles for a single event and often did alniters at Nottinghams famous 'Rock City' club which involved a 300 mile round trip driving as well as 8 hours of hard rocking out at the club and on the dance floor...of course drugs played a small part here in keeping the pace going and amplifying the 'good' feelings of the whole music/club experience..there was nothing negative about it at all apart from the long sleep over after arriving home from a marathon session lasting 20 hours non stop! phew! As well as crazy gigs we'd meet up for day trips out and to meet other rock friends or to shop may etc etc usual things that friends do so...we were pretty close and on the same wavelengh on many levels including things such as views on politics...music..fashion..women..life in general. We had a respect for one another to and enjoyed each others company...friendships like that are valued regardless of sex.
Gary also worked part time for a regional music Promoter which had added benefits on a regular basis. His promoter boss/friend would do a mix of local music acts and 'named' acts from yesteryear like Status Quo/Elton John/Uriah Heep/Golden Earring/Wishbone Ash etc etc plus many quality Tribute acts. Gary would often slip me in on such tours as his assistant or driver meaning I would get to enjoy behind the scenes experiences of yesterdays music heroes as well as meeting them and often their families. I met many Named acts this way and including a fab weekend party at Richard Bransons Oxfordshire estate. This extension due to his job just contributed not only to our chosen social lifestyle but also to the closeness of our friendship. It became the norm to meet up most weekends and chat on the phone every few days about life things..plus when Gary found himself unemployed from his day job I employed him part time in my then business. Life was full..steady..and fun...as it should be.
During the hazy hot summer of 2005 and umpteen hectic gig meetings which exhausted us through the sheer excess of just having a good time and not wanting to stop Gary got one of those irritating summer colds which resulted in a persistent cough. we all get them occasionally and think nothing of it. They usually just disappear of their own accord. but Garys didnt and went on for weeks resulting in him taking medication from the local chemist. after this failed to work he routinely visited his local doctors who prescribed yet more anti-biotic pills. back to gigging then. We had a list of different bands and gigs far afield we wanted to go to over the coming weeks hence more planning and driving so..we emerged ourselves back into the swirl of things. Gary just loved the setting and atmosphere of a live gig with a quality band and if all the elements were in place it really was an emotional high for both of us..the power of music huh. it really does effect the soul heart and mind if your properly tuned into it.
After another few weeks passed by he told me his bloody cough was still present and although I had noticed the occasional cough cough thought nothing of it because it began to be the norm from him and Gary was not a smoker. he told me he had gone back to the docs a few times and he had agreed he should have a proper checkover at the local clinic. This came and went without any concern but a surprise phone call from Gary changed the feeling of calm...he explained the x-ray at the clinic revealed something and he needed to report to the local hospital for further tests. he was concerned and threw a few reasons/causes by me...I heard myself saying that he shouldnt worry too much and it was just a normal cautionary thing they did and it would amount to nothing...you'll see! but at the back of my mind I did wonder if there was indeed something wrong?
A week later everything changed in our world when his hospital tests had come back. they had found a small dark shadow on garys lung and his blood tests revealed there were irregularities in the cells. he had to stay over in hospital for further testing and the voice on the phone sounded like concealed panic. I did my best to speak him back onto rational thinking as best I could and visited him the next evening. it was odd seeing my friend in a small quietened hospital ward and in his bed pyjamas and speaking in hushed tones when we were both usually in noisy musical environments. he told me what the specialists had said and was remarkably calm as opposed to his veiled panic on the phone just 24 hours previously. They had found a small dark growth on the tip of one of his lungs which was cancerous but a mild form and in its very early stages of developement. They suggested he stayed in hospital and under went a course of radiology and possibly chemotherapy over the next few weeks. He could do most of this as an out patient but they wanted him to stay in for 2-3 weeks so they could closely monitor progress of this treatment.
Gary was in indecisive mode a few days later and became very stubborn. he knew both treatments could result in the loss of his long healthy blonde hair which was a symbol of his rock credentials. he did indeed look the part being 6'-1" tall and slim with that rock singer willowness about him and he looked good in bohemian style rock clothes of which he developed his own unique style. his long flowing locks which went below his shoulders were very much part of the completed look...it wouldnt work bald or even short. I did of course try to talk sense into him regarding that ones health is more important but...you cant stop a steam train in full flight. he asked to see the specialist again to get a detailed account of his growth who informed him that oral medication could also treat it and that radiology/chemotherapy was at this stage an over kill solution offered in choice...that he couldnt guarantee either or both would work...that the growth was minute etc this indecisive analysis convinced Gary that there was a period of wait and see so..he decided to reject the harsher treatments in favor of oral radiation tablets..it was his choice and now he couldnt be budged!
Fast forward a few months and Gary was out of hospital in autumn 2005 and on regular tablets which seemed to do the trick ie the cough was gone and he looked bright'n'healthy again and full of life..the hospital monitored him on a regular basis and reported no problems regarding the growth getting larger or changing...indeed it became smaller. Christmas came and went with a brand new year unfolding 2006 with life things kicking back in and we connected again with the social rock thingy like nothing had happened the previous summer. he continued going for regular checks firstly every 2 weeks..then a month ending up every 3 months so it all appeared good. The 'old' Gary was back and he seemed to display a renewed vigour for life which is usually the case after a cancer scare isnt it. The months rolled on and life was good again. he changed his diet of course and a cleaner lifestyle took form and I think he felt much the better for it. It almost became like a fading memory the events of over a year ago and healthwise everything seemed fine..psychologically everything moved forward and negative thoughts slowly but surely disappeared. suddenly it was almost Christmas 2006..what happened to this past year? its slipped by so fast..cant believe its almost 2007.
It was a cold grueling winter this one and the usual Christmasy things came and went...we battoned down the hatches until the first hint of spring showed its face and then it was time for planning again ie the social calender and holidays etc etc like furry animals emerging from a long winters hibernation rubbing your eyes and eager to get stuck back into living normally again. Sunny March arrived 2007 and it was beautiful..we hit the gig circuit running and our motors were running again...our foots hit the floor and you could hear our engines roar! Gary had met a woman the past month and he liked her a lot. he revealed his feelings to me I guess looking for advice of some kind. I told him that having a love in ones life makes it all complete and even more enjoyable..that a close friendship between mates shouldnt suffer because of it...that if she felt the same toward him then he should invest more of himself into the bludgeoning relationship and see where it flows? he took my advice and offered her more of his social time which I understood so stepped back a little to allow it to grow. a routine emerged where we saw less of one another in favor of his growing love/needs from this woman. instead of the normal 3-4 times per week we used to meet up it dropped to once a week and sometimes less. I accepted that without question..it was early days and new love is all consuming..I understand that.
Something strange happened in mid April 2007 myself and Gary had a silly disagreement over the phone which rarely happened ever but both being strong characters I guess when it does happen its strong. it developed into a heated argument and slamming the phone down in frustration. neither would compromise or give any ground to get beyond it...which was silly and just male pride. I couldnt fathom who started it or fed it to heated proportions? I guess we were both to blame? I thought to myself well sod him..he has his woman now so isnt too bothered with me. it'll blow over in a short time and things will be fine again...lets just have some space between us. April turned into May and the weather was so fine with bright sunshine and the smell of spring hung in the air..that flower scented smell that makes you fell quite heady. I continued going to gigs locally and fully expected to bump into Gary and his woman..thinking we would and that silly disagreement would be forgotten about immediately...but we didnt. I didnt really think it was odd...just thought we were like passing ships in the night and would eventually. a few busy weeks with work my end and I didnt go out one weekend feeling a little exhausted. I almost phoned my friend Gary one evening thinking this was silly as I had missed our regular phone chats and meets.
I received a phone call from another friend on the 29th May whom I hadnt heard from in a while..."Hi I said" "wondered how you were these days"...he sounded sombre and said he was sorry but he was the bringer of bad news! He went on to say he knew myself and Gary had had a falling out a while back so thought it was only right he should inform me of recent events etc..oh god I thought whats happened? his words came out slowly and resonated in my head..."I dont think you knew that Gary was taken into hospital almost a month ago and remains there..that the hospital has told his relatives he wont be leaving and that sadly things arent good...that the cancer he had signs of 2 years previously had re-emerged quickly and unfortunately spread via his blood to his stomach".....oh my god! his words seemed to freeze in my head and numbed my thinking. I couldnt fully take in their meaning? I mean only weeks ago we were together and he was so full of life and healthy etc how could this happen so quickly? why didnt the hospital pick up on it and have some warning? a hundred questions flowed through my mind.
My friend on the phone went on to explain the sequence of events the past 5-6 weeks..apparent Gary had a heavy night of drinking one night while out and brought a curry on the way home..having eaten this he became sick shorty afterwards and brought the meal up. he put it down to being drunk. next few days he couldnt hold his food down for long and developed a feeling of indigestion in his tummy. he thought nothing of it and took pills from the chemist. but much like his persistent cough of a few years ago it wouldnt go away. his feeling of indigestion got steadily worse causing him to phone his doctor as 4 days. he told him to report immediately to the hospital outpatient dept which he did. they took an x-ray and blood test telling him he has to stay in over night as something doesnt look right. They discovered the cancerous growth on his lung to be still there but very small with little change but there were now small growths in the lining of his stomach and it had spread so much it was inoperable...even contemplating removing his whole stomach would not be enough as evidence was seen to show it had spread beyond that.
Gary was given emergency chemotherapy over the next few weeks in a vain attempt to stop the spread and limit the harm and he increasingly needed Morphine to kill the pain. he couldnt hold food down so had to be fed liquids via a tube. his weight loss was fast and his skin color faded but he remained upbeat even after the specialists slowly broke the news to him there was little hope...that he had to prepare himself for the worst. he had friends and family visit him...he listened to his beloved rock music on the bedside radio till the end and the nurse said his music seemed to give him strength. he became painfully thin and needed larger doses of Morphine..his mood slowly sunk toward the end and he became short tempered etc etc I listened to this account on the phone in a state of semi-shock! stunned both by the bad news but also as to why hadnt he contacted me his friend of old to tell me? was he just too stubborn? did he feel betrayed by me some how? was he embarrassed to tell me there was no hope? was he so doped up he couldnt think straight? so many painful questions that mashed my thinking up.
After this shocking phone call/news I immediately phoned the hospitable wanting to arrange a visit. it was late and the night staff were on duty they could tell me very little and suggested I call first thing in the morning. I gave in trying at that late hour and couldnt sleep that night. next morning I phoned the hospital first thing at 8am and had difficulty getting through to the right dept/ward..eventually after being passed onto 3 different staff members a female voice calmly told me that Gary had sadly passed on late last night. that he was calm and sedated with no pain. his younger brother and two other friends were at his bedside so he didnt die alone.....I couldnt believe what I was hearing! She told me that he was listening to his radio at that moment to his favorite rock station..he leaned forward slowly toward his brother and asked him in a hushed voice to hold his hand tightly and he quietly slipped away...tears filled my eyes uncontrollably.
11 days later on another beautifully sunny day mid week Garys funeral took place at the crematorium . I heard he had wanted to be buried but the current laws prevented it because his cancer was a form of toxic asbestosis and only cremation was possible..this had upset him apparently. it was a good turn out..lots of family/friends and aqquaintences..lots of summer flowers. The service was nice and they played 2 of Garys chosen rock tracks over the PA system which broke my heart and I couldnt hold back my emotions at that point...memories flooded my head and I couldnt relate to this whole thing...the music playing in this moment is associated with laughter happiness and our old times together as mates at gigs etc certainly not watching his coffin sliding behind curtains before the hot ovens...its just not real!
Over the next few days I contacted the local radio station and the DJ friend of Gary whom he had be-friended at various gigs agreed with his producers to do a radio tribute to a lost rocker and friend. he played the track from Aerosmith that Gary had been listening to at the moment of passing...so very moving..more tears. I recorded this radio tribute and burned it onto a dvd containing old photos/film of him I had taken over the years in a montage of his life. I handed these out to a few of his family/friends. How does one deal with a sudden loss of someone close? where do you find the answers to so many questions? grief is a lonely burdon to deal with. The rock scene is a lonelier place without you Gary..I miss your laughter...your jokes..I miss your views on life..I miss your spirit..I miss you beside me at gigs always with an opinion on the band...I loved you my friend and I miss you...you were only 52 and so full of life still...I recall what someone told me you said in defiance when you learned that there was little hope of recovery while laying in your hospital bed..you said.."oh well I've had a good 50 years plus..some folk dont get anywhere near that do they"....You may have gone in physical presence but your spirit lives beside me still at gigs and I gain a lot of inspiration from that...I will keep you alive in my thoughts which will be a fitting memorial to you...I lost a friend.... CALLEN
We would routinely arrange meet ups for gigs and festivals often traveling hundreds of miles for a single event and often did alniters at Nottinghams famous 'Rock City' club which involved a 300 mile round trip driving as well as 8 hours of hard rocking out at the club and on the dance floor...of course drugs played a small part here in keeping the pace going and amplifying the 'good' feelings of the whole music/club experience..there was nothing negative about it at all apart from the long sleep over after arriving home from a marathon session lasting 20 hours non stop! phew! As well as crazy gigs we'd meet up for day trips out and to meet other rock friends or to shop may etc etc usual things that friends do so...we were pretty close and on the same wavelengh on many levels including things such as views on politics...music..fashion..women..life in general. We had a respect for one another to and enjoyed each others company...friendships like that are valued regardless of sex.
Gary also worked part time for a regional music Promoter which had added benefits on a regular basis. His promoter boss/friend would do a mix of local music acts and 'named' acts from yesteryear like Status Quo/Elton John/Uriah Heep/Golden Earring/Wishbone Ash etc etc plus many quality Tribute acts. Gary would often slip me in on such tours as his assistant or driver meaning I would get to enjoy behind the scenes experiences of yesterdays music heroes as well as meeting them and often their families. I met many Named acts this way and including a fab weekend party at Richard Bransons Oxfordshire estate. This extension due to his job just contributed not only to our chosen social lifestyle but also to the closeness of our friendship. It became the norm to meet up most weekends and chat on the phone every few days about life things..plus when Gary found himself unemployed from his day job I employed him part time in my then business. Life was full..steady..and fun...as it should be.
During the hazy hot summer of 2005 and umpteen hectic gig meetings which exhausted us through the sheer excess of just having a good time and not wanting to stop Gary got one of those irritating summer colds which resulted in a persistent cough. we all get them occasionally and think nothing of it. They usually just disappear of their own accord. but Garys didnt and went on for weeks resulting in him taking medication from the local chemist. after this failed to work he routinely visited his local doctors who prescribed yet more anti-biotic pills. back to gigging then. We had a list of different bands and gigs far afield we wanted to go to over the coming weeks hence more planning and driving so..we emerged ourselves back into the swirl of things. Gary just loved the setting and atmosphere of a live gig with a quality band and if all the elements were in place it really was an emotional high for both of us..the power of music huh. it really does effect the soul heart and mind if your properly tuned into it.
After another few weeks passed by he told me his bloody cough was still present and although I had noticed the occasional cough cough thought nothing of it because it began to be the norm from him and Gary was not a smoker. he told me he had gone back to the docs a few times and he had agreed he should have a proper checkover at the local clinic. This came and went without any concern but a surprise phone call from Gary changed the feeling of calm...he explained the x-ray at the clinic revealed something and he needed to report to the local hospital for further tests. he was concerned and threw a few reasons/causes by me...I heard myself saying that he shouldnt worry too much and it was just a normal cautionary thing they did and it would amount to nothing...you'll see! but at the back of my mind I did wonder if there was indeed something wrong?
A week later everything changed in our world when his hospital tests had come back. they had found a small dark shadow on garys lung and his blood tests revealed there were irregularities in the cells. he had to stay over in hospital for further testing and the voice on the phone sounded like concealed panic. I did my best to speak him back onto rational thinking as best I could and visited him the next evening. it was odd seeing my friend in a small quietened hospital ward and in his bed pyjamas and speaking in hushed tones when we were both usually in noisy musical environments. he told me what the specialists had said and was remarkably calm as opposed to his veiled panic on the phone just 24 hours previously. They had found a small dark growth on the tip of one of his lungs which was cancerous but a mild form and in its very early stages of developement. They suggested he stayed in hospital and under went a course of radiology and possibly chemotherapy over the next few weeks. He could do most of this as an out patient but they wanted him to stay in for 2-3 weeks so they could closely monitor progress of this treatment.
Gary was in indecisive mode a few days later and became very stubborn. he knew both treatments could result in the loss of his long healthy blonde hair which was a symbol of his rock credentials. he did indeed look the part being 6'-1" tall and slim with that rock singer willowness about him and he looked good in bohemian style rock clothes of which he developed his own unique style. his long flowing locks which went below his shoulders were very much part of the completed look...it wouldnt work bald or even short. I did of course try to talk sense into him regarding that ones health is more important but...you cant stop a steam train in full flight. he asked to see the specialist again to get a detailed account of his growth who informed him that oral medication could also treat it and that radiology/chemotherapy was at this stage an over kill solution offered in choice...that he couldnt guarantee either or both would work...that the growth was minute etc this indecisive analysis convinced Gary that there was a period of wait and see so..he decided to reject the harsher treatments in favor of oral radiation tablets..it was his choice and now he couldnt be budged!
Fast forward a few months and Gary was out of hospital in autumn 2005 and on regular tablets which seemed to do the trick ie the cough was gone and he looked bright'n'healthy again and full of life..the hospital monitored him on a regular basis and reported no problems regarding the growth getting larger or changing...indeed it became smaller. Christmas came and went with a brand new year unfolding 2006 with life things kicking back in and we connected again with the social rock thingy like nothing had happened the previous summer. he continued going for regular checks firstly every 2 weeks..then a month ending up every 3 months so it all appeared good. The 'old' Gary was back and he seemed to display a renewed vigour for life which is usually the case after a cancer scare isnt it. The months rolled on and life was good again. he changed his diet of course and a cleaner lifestyle took form and I think he felt much the better for it. It almost became like a fading memory the events of over a year ago and healthwise everything seemed fine..psychologically everything moved forward and negative thoughts slowly but surely disappeared. suddenly it was almost Christmas 2006..what happened to this past year? its slipped by so fast..cant believe its almost 2007.
It was a cold grueling winter this one and the usual Christmasy things came and went...we battoned down the hatches until the first hint of spring showed its face and then it was time for planning again ie the social calender and holidays etc etc like furry animals emerging from a long winters hibernation rubbing your eyes and eager to get stuck back into living normally again. Sunny March arrived 2007 and it was beautiful..we hit the gig circuit running and our motors were running again...our foots hit the floor and you could hear our engines roar! Gary had met a woman the past month and he liked her a lot. he revealed his feelings to me I guess looking for advice of some kind. I told him that having a love in ones life makes it all complete and even more enjoyable..that a close friendship between mates shouldnt suffer because of it...that if she felt the same toward him then he should invest more of himself into the bludgeoning relationship and see where it flows? he took my advice and offered her more of his social time which I understood so stepped back a little to allow it to grow. a routine emerged where we saw less of one another in favor of his growing love/needs from this woman. instead of the normal 3-4 times per week we used to meet up it dropped to once a week and sometimes less. I accepted that without question..it was early days and new love is all consuming..I understand that.
Something strange happened in mid April 2007 myself and Gary had a silly disagreement over the phone which rarely happened ever but both being strong characters I guess when it does happen its strong. it developed into a heated argument and slamming the phone down in frustration. neither would compromise or give any ground to get beyond it...which was silly and just male pride. I couldnt fathom who started it or fed it to heated proportions? I guess we were both to blame? I thought to myself well sod him..he has his woman now so isnt too bothered with me. it'll blow over in a short time and things will be fine again...lets just have some space between us. April turned into May and the weather was so fine with bright sunshine and the smell of spring hung in the air..that flower scented smell that makes you fell quite heady. I continued going to gigs locally and fully expected to bump into Gary and his woman..thinking we would and that silly disagreement would be forgotten about immediately...but we didnt. I didnt really think it was odd...just thought we were like passing ships in the night and would eventually. a few busy weeks with work my end and I didnt go out one weekend feeling a little exhausted. I almost phoned my friend Gary one evening thinking this was silly as I had missed our regular phone chats and meets.
I received a phone call from another friend on the 29th May whom I hadnt heard from in a while..."Hi I said" "wondered how you were these days"...he sounded sombre and said he was sorry but he was the bringer of bad news! He went on to say he knew myself and Gary had had a falling out a while back so thought it was only right he should inform me of recent events etc..oh god I thought whats happened? his words came out slowly and resonated in my head..."I dont think you knew that Gary was taken into hospital almost a month ago and remains there..that the hospital has told his relatives he wont be leaving and that sadly things arent good...that the cancer he had signs of 2 years previously had re-emerged quickly and unfortunately spread via his blood to his stomach".....oh my god! his words seemed to freeze in my head and numbed my thinking. I couldnt fully take in their meaning? I mean only weeks ago we were together and he was so full of life and healthy etc how could this happen so quickly? why didnt the hospital pick up on it and have some warning? a hundred questions flowed through my mind.
My friend on the phone went on to explain the sequence of events the past 5-6 weeks..apparent Gary had a heavy night of drinking one night while out and brought a curry on the way home..having eaten this he became sick shorty afterwards and brought the meal up. he put it down to being drunk. next few days he couldnt hold his food down for long and developed a feeling of indigestion in his tummy. he thought nothing of it and took pills from the chemist. but much like his persistent cough of a few years ago it wouldnt go away. his feeling of indigestion got steadily worse causing him to phone his doctor as 4 days. he told him to report immediately to the hospital outpatient dept which he did. they took an x-ray and blood test telling him he has to stay in over night as something doesnt look right. They discovered the cancerous growth on his lung to be still there but very small with little change but there were now small growths in the lining of his stomach and it had spread so much it was inoperable...even contemplating removing his whole stomach would not be enough as evidence was seen to show it had spread beyond that.
Gary was given emergency chemotherapy over the next few weeks in a vain attempt to stop the spread and limit the harm and he increasingly needed Morphine to kill the pain. he couldnt hold food down so had to be fed liquids via a tube. his weight loss was fast and his skin color faded but he remained upbeat even after the specialists slowly broke the news to him there was little hope...that he had to prepare himself for the worst. he had friends and family visit him...he listened to his beloved rock music on the bedside radio till the end and the nurse said his music seemed to give him strength. he became painfully thin and needed larger doses of Morphine..his mood slowly sunk toward the end and he became short tempered etc etc I listened to this account on the phone in a state of semi-shock! stunned both by the bad news but also as to why hadnt he contacted me his friend of old to tell me? was he just too stubborn? did he feel betrayed by me some how? was he embarrassed to tell me there was no hope? was he so doped up he couldnt think straight? so many painful questions that mashed my thinking up.
After this shocking phone call/news I immediately phoned the hospitable wanting to arrange a visit. it was late and the night staff were on duty they could tell me very little and suggested I call first thing in the morning. I gave in trying at that late hour and couldnt sleep that night. next morning I phoned the hospital first thing at 8am and had difficulty getting through to the right dept/ward..eventually after being passed onto 3 different staff members a female voice calmly told me that Gary had sadly passed on late last night. that he was calm and sedated with no pain. his younger brother and two other friends were at his bedside so he didnt die alone.....I couldnt believe what I was hearing! She told me that he was listening to his radio at that moment to his favorite rock station..he leaned forward slowly toward his brother and asked him in a hushed voice to hold his hand tightly and he quietly slipped away...tears filled my eyes uncontrollably.
11 days later on another beautifully sunny day mid week Garys funeral took place at the crematorium . I heard he had wanted to be buried but the current laws prevented it because his cancer was a form of toxic asbestosis and only cremation was possible..this had upset him apparently. it was a good turn out..lots of family/friends and aqquaintences..lots of summer flowers. The service was nice and they played 2 of Garys chosen rock tracks over the PA system which broke my heart and I couldnt hold back my emotions at that point...memories flooded my head and I couldnt relate to this whole thing...the music playing in this moment is associated with laughter happiness and our old times together as mates at gigs etc certainly not watching his coffin sliding behind curtains before the hot ovens...its just not real!
Over the next few days I contacted the local radio station and the DJ friend of Gary whom he had be-friended at various gigs agreed with his producers to do a radio tribute to a lost rocker and friend. he played the track from Aerosmith that Gary had been listening to at the moment of passing...so very moving..more tears. I recorded this radio tribute and burned it onto a dvd containing old photos/film of him I had taken over the years in a montage of his life. I handed these out to a few of his family/friends. How does one deal with a sudden loss of someone close? where do you find the answers to so many questions? grief is a lonely burdon to deal with. The rock scene is a lonelier place without you Gary..I miss your laughter...your jokes..I miss your views on life..I miss your spirit..I miss you beside me at gigs always with an opinion on the band...I loved you my friend and I miss you...you were only 52 and so full of life still...I recall what someone told me you said in defiance when you learned that there was little hope of recovery while laying in your hospital bed..you said.."oh well I've had a good 50 years plus..some folk dont get anywhere near that do they"....You may have gone in physical presence but your spirit lives beside me still at gigs and I gain a lot of inspiration from that...I will keep you alive in my thoughts which will be a fitting memorial to you...I lost a friend.... CALLEN
Sunday 7 August 2011
The rhythm of time.....
There's an inner thing in every man,
Do you know this thing my friend?
It has withstood the blows of a million years,
And will do so to the end.
It was born when time did not exist,
And it grew up out of life,
It cut down evil's strangling vines,
Like a slashing searing knife.
It lit fires when fires were not,
And burnt the mind of man,
Tempering leandened hearts to steel,
From the time that time began.
It wept by the waters of Babylon,
And when all men were a loss,
It screeched in writhing agony,
And it hung bleeding from the Cross.
It died in Rome by lion and sword,
And in defiant cruel array,
When the deathly word was 'Spartacus'
Along with Appian Way.
It marched with Wat the Tyler's poor,
And frightened lord and king,
And it was emblazoned in their deathly stare,
As e'er a living thing.
It smiled in holy innocence,
Before conquistadors of old,
So meek and tame and unaware,
Of the deathly power of gold.
It burst forth through pitiful Paris streets,
And stormed the old Bastille,
And marched upon the serpent's head,
And crushed it 'neath its heel.
It died in blood on Buffalo Plains,
And starved by moons of rain,
Its heart was buried in Wounded Knee,
But it will come to rise again.
It screamed aloud by Kerry lakes,
As it was knelt upon the ground,
And it died in great defiance,
As they coldly shot it down.
It is found in every light of hope,
It knows no bounds nor space
It has risen in red and black and white,
It is there in every race.
It lies in the hearts of heroes dead,
It screams in tyrants' eyes,
It has reached the peak of mountains high,
It comes searing 'cross the skies.
It lights the dark of this prison cell,
It thunders forth its might,
It is 'the undauntable thought', my friend,
That thought that says 'I'm right!'
By 'BS'
Do you know this thing my friend?
It has withstood the blows of a million years,
And will do so to the end.
It was born when time did not exist,
And it grew up out of life,
It cut down evil's strangling vines,
Like a slashing searing knife.
It lit fires when fires were not,
And burnt the mind of man,
Tempering leandened hearts to steel,
From the time that time began.
It wept by the waters of Babylon,
And when all men were a loss,
It screeched in writhing agony,
And it hung bleeding from the Cross.
It died in Rome by lion and sword,
And in defiant cruel array,
When the deathly word was 'Spartacus'
Along with Appian Way.
It marched with Wat the Tyler's poor,
And frightened lord and king,
And it was emblazoned in their deathly stare,
As e'er a living thing.
It smiled in holy innocence,
Before conquistadors of old,
So meek and tame and unaware,
Of the deathly power of gold.
It burst forth through pitiful Paris streets,
And stormed the old Bastille,
And marched upon the serpent's head,
And crushed it 'neath its heel.
It died in blood on Buffalo Plains,
And starved by moons of rain,
Its heart was buried in Wounded Knee,
But it will come to rise again.
It screamed aloud by Kerry lakes,
As it was knelt upon the ground,
And it died in great defiance,
As they coldly shot it down.
It is found in every light of hope,
It knows no bounds nor space
It has risen in red and black and white,
It is there in every race.
It lies in the hearts of heroes dead,
It screams in tyrants' eyes,
It has reached the peak of mountains high,
It comes searing 'cross the skies.
It lights the dark of this prison cell,
It thunders forth its might,
It is 'the undauntable thought', my friend,
That thought that says 'I'm right!'
By 'BS'
Saturday 25 June 2011
First day of Glastonbury 2011
As if by magic the rain clouds gathered above in preparation for the start of Glastonbury 2011. well its on the menu isnt it and and wellie manufacturers rely on it to boost their low summer trade. if you go and return home without Glastonbury dried mud on your boots you somehow feel cheated. but not for me I'm home 200 miles away in the relative comfort of my home settling down in front of my High Definition telly with beer in one hand and a reefer in the other [oh echoes of the old Glastonbury days haha] with my feet up on the puffy I'm definitly feeling in old Hippy mode...peace man!...Turn on tune in drop out!...My spirit is free an my heart is passionate! etc etc so.....I settle back feeling pretty laidback and in anticipation of some musical highs and nostalgia flashbacks.
I sat through over 4 hours of BBC broadcast Glastonbury and the long anticipated appearance of U2 who the festival has been trying to book since the 1980s. you will recall when they finally achieved this last year in 2010 lead singer Bono hurt his back and the whole shabang was cancelled so....finally they would appear and set the place alight! hmm...the trouble with anticipation and building something up in your mind is we tend to over anticipate and expectations are exaggerated to a degree with the result that it just doesnt live upto the headfit. sadly the rain clouds opened up almost on quo as a bad omen and it poured down. but the enthusiasm of the audience which numbered tens of thousands didnt appear dampened at it...indeed you could feel the atmospheric High from the crowd...oh this is going to be good I thought as I sat in my comfy armchair semi drunk'n'stoned..I had a silly smile across my face and felt like I was there pushing an shoving in that heaving happy sea of people oblivious to the pouring rain and sticky mud...I mean its the best rock band in the world U2! hmm well..we all get swept up in the moment dont we even ole hippies like me haha.
anyhow the moment arrived and suddenly the band appeared on stage to a cresendo of applause'n'cheer..hey! The first choice of track wasnt a grabber like you'd expect from this band because they usually like to grab you by the balls early and hold you there for 2 hours but....the opener didnt achieve that. I started to notice things like the band members didnt display much spirit or enthusiasm...maybe it was the pouring rain? I mean multi-millionaire Rock gods are used to the best creature comforts and conditions..or maybe the were a bit nervous because of the big build up to appearing at this iconic festival for the first time? whatever they appeared to me to be dragging their feet a bit. another thing that struck me to was Bono..he looked old tonite. his forehead looked wrinkled and his face frowns deeper..ok these guys are now in their mid 40s but that isnt really old. he also looked a little overweight and moved in a wooden fashion...not the usual sprightly spirited Bono who normally steals the stage and grabs your eye etc no....for whatever reason it didnt all 'fit' tonite and I felt a little disappointed after about 20 mins. dont get me wrong there were emotional and exciting moments yes during the set but...it had patches of lacklustre. The crowd were screaming and cheering all the way but I've come to notice the new generation of Glasto-ites will scream'n'wave at anything put in front of them..I mean the TV cameras are there and mummy'n'daddy are watching at home so....yes a good show by the band but.....you dont want 'buts'
After the show you had the usual interview in the BBC tent festooned with plastic flowers and tacky Hippy type memoribelia like something out of a Clacton tourist shop. but even then the band members seemed out of sorts and unrelaxed. Bono came out with his usual crap about saving the millions of poor and the mystic aura of Glastonbury etc etc oh lord please listen to yourself at times man! so over all I felt a bit cheated and deflated...certainly not spiritually lifted by the music like I expected. I started to wonder did I have a bad batch of dope or crap supermarket beer? did I miss the vibe somewhere? am I tired or just too old for this?? no I dont think so. To put my cynical hat on this festival simply isnt living up to my memory of old. can you remember the original hippy festival of Glastonbury and the inspiration of those early Hippies who created it? it actually meant something special back then and was a show piece of the alternative society we were trying to create way from Straight society..it was a weekend vision of our new world that we dreamed of albeit in a youthful naive way. but it doesnt matter because you can always gleen the good bits from any dream. The event I was watching tonite didnt resemble that dream of old but a new model...like a car altered for trend/fashion purposes but was ruined in the process..or a remake of an old classic film that comes out ok but diluted in content and quality.
Glastonbury is still a good thing for its creation of community and fun...for the music and of course for business and jobs. thats the essence of it really today. its not spiritual but a corporate summer event..like an exaggerated village fete on the village green. a summer camp for middle class kids pretending to be hippies for the weekend with their designer multi-colored wellies and fake tans. its a meeting place for eccentrics and perceived multi-culturalism. for family outings and people to dress up in funny costumes and ape to the ever present TV cameras...a place for kids to escape their parents for a long weekend and be wild..its a like a Butlins summer camp for teens etc etc ok its good in one sense but devoid of the original concept. its simply now a corporate event and empty of meaning.
Even the usual BBC TV presenters came across as a little stale and just going through the motions...certainly no youthful enthusiasm from boring middle aged MILF DJ Jo Wiley with her posh accent and silly designer ripped jeans at the knee..oh lord thats become so crass and expected. is she trying to say I'm hip and rock'n'roll? it simply doesnt work Jo....you look past your sell by date. Then theres Mark Lamarr another radio 2 DJ and TV presenter who looks 15 years older then his 44 years. he presents himself tonite unshaven with a greying mess of stubble and hippy farmer hat and overcoat looking more like an extra in a Benny hill sketch...trying to portray a Hippy of old and not succeeding in fact he was born in that famous counter-culture year of 1967...summer of Love and flower power remember?...well I do anyway. sorry Mark it didnt work you looked a prat to my eyes. There was also that Aussie sound presenter Zac? not sure what he does or where he comes from? but he talks too much and tries to over emphasis his musical knowledge which irritates..over all a poor performance from the BBC presenters too.
On a serious note....There were a group of young protesters in the audience who had planned in advance and with the permission of the festival organisers to protest against U2's recent decision to shift their business organisation out of Eire their home country to avoid paying their tax rate. you've got to understand here that Ireland are currently suffering their 2nd worst recession in history and are in financial dire straits. U2 earned £120 million plus last year from various sales/tours and are estimated to be worth jointly £800 million so vastly rich beyond most peoples dreams yet they choose to leave their ailing country at its worst point to avoid the tax....all this and lead singer Bono makes a huge point of caring about his country and the under priviliged of the world etc etc how two faced is this!? Stay and pay your taxes U2..help your country when in need! I was disappointed when this young protest group with their planned demonstration to bring the tax issue to our attention were not allowed to be on camera. indeed as soon as they inflated their 20 foot balloon with words printed across it ' U need to pay your taxes 2' they had thuggish security guards jump on them and bundle them away...how un-Glastonbury in spirit.
After 4 hours slouching in my chair I felt totally drained of emotion and a little empty....deflated emotionally I mean instead of lifted. thankful that I wasnt there in the rain'n'mud like I wished I was 4 hours previously. Thumbs up to the festival and the thousands that still enjoy it but for me personally its a different animal that I dont recognise anymore....I'm off to bed to dream of days of old..oh it was such a special time back then...there was a magic in the air in Glastonbury 1970s model...a feeling of Camelot....isnt that what dreams are made of? CALLEN
Words of Wisdom...." The only things in life you will regret.....are the risks you didnt take "
I sat through over 4 hours of BBC broadcast Glastonbury and the long anticipated appearance of U2 who the festival has been trying to book since the 1980s. you will recall when they finally achieved this last year in 2010 lead singer Bono hurt his back and the whole shabang was cancelled so....finally they would appear and set the place alight! hmm...the trouble with anticipation and building something up in your mind is we tend to over anticipate and expectations are exaggerated to a degree with the result that it just doesnt live upto the headfit. sadly the rain clouds opened up almost on quo as a bad omen and it poured down. but the enthusiasm of the audience which numbered tens of thousands didnt appear dampened at it...indeed you could feel the atmospheric High from the crowd...oh this is going to be good I thought as I sat in my comfy armchair semi drunk'n'stoned..I had a silly smile across my face and felt like I was there pushing an shoving in that heaving happy sea of people oblivious to the pouring rain and sticky mud...I mean its the best rock band in the world U2! hmm well..we all get swept up in the moment dont we even ole hippies like me haha.
anyhow the moment arrived and suddenly the band appeared on stage to a cresendo of applause'n'cheer..hey! The first choice of track wasnt a grabber like you'd expect from this band because they usually like to grab you by the balls early and hold you there for 2 hours but....the opener didnt achieve that. I started to notice things like the band members didnt display much spirit or enthusiasm...maybe it was the pouring rain? I mean multi-millionaire Rock gods are used to the best creature comforts and conditions..or maybe the were a bit nervous because of the big build up to appearing at this iconic festival for the first time? whatever they appeared to me to be dragging their feet a bit. another thing that struck me to was Bono..he looked old tonite. his forehead looked wrinkled and his face frowns deeper..ok these guys are now in their mid 40s but that isnt really old. he also looked a little overweight and moved in a wooden fashion...not the usual sprightly spirited Bono who normally steals the stage and grabs your eye etc no....for whatever reason it didnt all 'fit' tonite and I felt a little disappointed after about 20 mins. dont get me wrong there were emotional and exciting moments yes during the set but...it had patches of lacklustre. The crowd were screaming and cheering all the way but I've come to notice the new generation of Glasto-ites will scream'n'wave at anything put in front of them..I mean the TV cameras are there and mummy'n'daddy are watching at home so....yes a good show by the band but.....you dont want 'buts'
After the show you had the usual interview in the BBC tent festooned with plastic flowers and tacky Hippy type memoribelia like something out of a Clacton tourist shop. but even then the band members seemed out of sorts and unrelaxed. Bono came out with his usual crap about saving the millions of poor and the mystic aura of Glastonbury etc etc oh lord please listen to yourself at times man! so over all I felt a bit cheated and deflated...certainly not spiritually lifted by the music like I expected. I started to wonder did I have a bad batch of dope or crap supermarket beer? did I miss the vibe somewhere? am I tired or just too old for this?? no I dont think so. To put my cynical hat on this festival simply isnt living up to my memory of old. can you remember the original hippy festival of Glastonbury and the inspiration of those early Hippies who created it? it actually meant something special back then and was a show piece of the alternative society we were trying to create way from Straight society..it was a weekend vision of our new world that we dreamed of albeit in a youthful naive way. but it doesnt matter because you can always gleen the good bits from any dream. The event I was watching tonite didnt resemble that dream of old but a new model...like a car altered for trend/fashion purposes but was ruined in the process..or a remake of an old classic film that comes out ok but diluted in content and quality.
Glastonbury is still a good thing for its creation of community and fun...for the music and of course for business and jobs. thats the essence of it really today. its not spiritual but a corporate summer event..like an exaggerated village fete on the village green. a summer camp for middle class kids pretending to be hippies for the weekend with their designer multi-colored wellies and fake tans. its a meeting place for eccentrics and perceived multi-culturalism. for family outings and people to dress up in funny costumes and ape to the ever present TV cameras...a place for kids to escape their parents for a long weekend and be wild..its a like a Butlins summer camp for teens etc etc ok its good in one sense but devoid of the original concept. its simply now a corporate event and empty of meaning.
Even the usual BBC TV presenters came across as a little stale and just going through the motions...certainly no youthful enthusiasm from boring middle aged MILF DJ Jo Wiley with her posh accent and silly designer ripped jeans at the knee..oh lord thats become so crass and expected. is she trying to say I'm hip and rock'n'roll? it simply doesnt work Jo....you look past your sell by date. Then theres Mark Lamarr another radio 2 DJ and TV presenter who looks 15 years older then his 44 years. he presents himself tonite unshaven with a greying mess of stubble and hippy farmer hat and overcoat looking more like an extra in a Benny hill sketch...trying to portray a Hippy of old and not succeeding in fact he was born in that famous counter-culture year of 1967...summer of Love and flower power remember?...well I do anyway. sorry Mark it didnt work you looked a prat to my eyes. There was also that Aussie sound presenter Zac? not sure what he does or where he comes from? but he talks too much and tries to over emphasis his musical knowledge which irritates..over all a poor performance from the BBC presenters too.
On a serious note....There were a group of young protesters in the audience who had planned in advance and with the permission of the festival organisers to protest against U2's recent decision to shift their business organisation out of Eire their home country to avoid paying their tax rate. you've got to understand here that Ireland are currently suffering their 2nd worst recession in history and are in financial dire straits. U2 earned £120 million plus last year from various sales/tours and are estimated to be worth jointly £800 million so vastly rich beyond most peoples dreams yet they choose to leave their ailing country at its worst point to avoid the tax....all this and lead singer Bono makes a huge point of caring about his country and the under priviliged of the world etc etc how two faced is this!? Stay and pay your taxes U2..help your country when in need! I was disappointed when this young protest group with their planned demonstration to bring the tax issue to our attention were not allowed to be on camera. indeed as soon as they inflated their 20 foot balloon with words printed across it ' U need to pay your taxes 2' they had thuggish security guards jump on them and bundle them away...how un-Glastonbury in spirit.
After 4 hours slouching in my chair I felt totally drained of emotion and a little empty....deflated emotionally I mean instead of lifted. thankful that I wasnt there in the rain'n'mud like I wished I was 4 hours previously. Thumbs up to the festival and the thousands that still enjoy it but for me personally its a different animal that I dont recognise anymore....I'm off to bed to dream of days of old..oh it was such a special time back then...there was a magic in the air in Glastonbury 1970s model...a feeling of Camelot....isnt that what dreams are made of? CALLEN
Words of Wisdom...." The only things in life you will regret.....are the risks you didnt take "
Tuesday 17 May 2011
This Timeless Place
THIS TIMELESS PLACE
Diamonds on the velvet
Starlight in the black
A valley steeped in history
Far from the beaten track
Strawberries in the water
Crystals on the sea
This timeless place of mystery
This secret I can see
I come here to slay my demons
Heaven's eyes will stare them down
Now I know the magic of believing
Now I hear the beauty of no sound
In a place where witches gather
In a grave of shipwrecked souls
I found a taste that I can savour
And I turned off life's controls
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and sea green air
Did I try to touch the moonlight
This timeless place can take me there
This timeless place that we can share
An ocean like a mirror
But a stranger in the glass
A mouth that's always welcome
Swallows my dreams at last
A wind that seems to whisper
Blows a cyclone in my mind
And when you are like a hurricane
All my thoughts can then unwind
I didn't come to find redemption
But it came and found me here
I can see but almost blind myself
When that starlit sky's so clear
I saw the place where witches guard us
I saw the mariners of Arbroath
The world marches on regardless
But now I'm haunted by their ghosts
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and deep blue sky
For the love of gold and moonlight
This timeless place won't pass you by
This timeless place won't let you die
She watches beauty through my eyes
She reads the words that I would write
And she knows there is no curse
The sights and thoughts were always hers
She saw the ghosts of sailors in my mind
She smelt their death within my sight
And she knows that they are at peace
She knows their souls have found release
Sailors on the turquoise
Widows wrapped in black
A witch that's never vanquished
And death wears its usual mac
She smiled and kissed a mariner
An Arbroath smokie who might steam
He bucked and kicked like a stallion
In a wet and deathly dream
In a place where witches gather
Near where those sailors died
My god! I've dreamed of changes
That spells and sails now sanctify
This timeless place in the Atlantic
This ocean wave and wild blue wind
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place where love begins
And those mariners of Arbroath
Seem to listen through the years
I can almost hear them swear that oath
I can almost hear them crying tears
In a place where witches gather
A timeless place where sailors lie
Their sight is blind to changes
But our night's eyes cannot comply
In the bright stars of the Atlantic
I fell again in love with life
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place within my sight
Words of Wisdom........" The point of living and of being an optimist is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come"
Diamonds on the velvet
Starlight in the black
A valley steeped in history
Far from the beaten track
Strawberries in the water
Crystals on the sea
This timeless place of mystery
This secret I can see
I come here to slay my demons
Heaven's eyes will stare them down
Now I know the magic of believing
Now I hear the beauty of no sound
In a place where witches gather
In a grave of shipwrecked souls
I found a taste that I can savour
And I turned off life's controls
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and sea green air
Did I try to touch the moonlight
This timeless place can take me there
This timeless place that we can share
An ocean like a mirror
But a stranger in the glass
A mouth that's always welcome
Swallows my dreams at last
A wind that seems to whisper
Blows a cyclone in my mind
And when you are like a hurricane
All my thoughts can then unwind
I didn't come to find redemption
But it came and found me here
I can see but almost blind myself
When that starlit sky's so clear
I saw the place where witches guard us
I saw the mariners of Arbroath
The world marches on regardless
But now I'm haunted by their ghosts
In the warm Atlantic sunlight
In the wild and deep blue sky
For the love of gold and moonlight
This timeless place won't pass you by
This timeless place won't let you die
She watches beauty through my eyes
She reads the words that I would write
And she knows there is no curse
The sights and thoughts were always hers
She saw the ghosts of sailors in my mind
She smelt their death within my sight
And she knows that they are at peace
She knows their souls have found release
Sailors on the turquoise
Widows wrapped in black
A witch that's never vanquished
And death wears its usual mac
She smiled and kissed a mariner
An Arbroath smokie who might steam
He bucked and kicked like a stallion
In a wet and deathly dream
In a place where witches gather
Near where those sailors died
My god! I've dreamed of changes
That spells and sails now sanctify
This timeless place in the Atlantic
This ocean wave and wild blue wind
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place where love begins
And those mariners of Arbroath
Seem to listen through the years
I can almost hear them swear that oath
I can almost hear them crying tears
In a place where witches gather
A timeless place where sailors lie
Their sight is blind to changes
But our night's eyes cannot comply
In the bright stars of the Atlantic
I fell again in love with life
This timeless place is so romantic
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place
This timeless place within my sight
Words of Wisdom........" The point of living and of being an optimist is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come"
Monday 2 May 2011
Get me to the church on time...The Royal Wedding 29th April 2011
Well the widely promoted Royal event finally arrived and passed with military precision unsurprisingly as it was their stage managed show. A huge technicolor extravaganza that lit up tv screens the world over. In modern media terms it was a cross between a tv soap opera and reality show with a sprinkling of Romance straight out of a Jane Austin novel. Pomp and pageantry in bucket loads and brightly colored camp uniforms and shiny swords that you might expect from a West end Theatre production of "Oh What A Lovely War". It was all there filling the Plasma screens in glorious 3D color. To me it was like one of those cosy sunday afternoon films on the telly where you slip your shoes off..knees up on the sofa...pour a glass of wine..darken the room and settle down cosily to watch a nostalgic old film of yesteryear for pure escapism. indeed thats what the whole spectacle was designed for to distract joe public away from todays serious world events.
Sitting there watching it all unfold on the screen it was so easy to slip into a trance like state of National pride and nostalgia....indeed I did for a while but it wasnt because I am woolly headed over the monarchy or believed in fairytails..no it was because I'm big on History and value some elements of Tradition even relating to past monarchy but I state here very clearly I'm not a Royalist...nor an I woolly headed over such things. I am a Realist and my head in stuck firmly in the 21st Century where it so belongs..its a pity more of the Mall flag wavers arent the same. I must stress here I'm not a moany ole spoilsport either The Royal family today are an oddity and in reality are little more then a Tourist attraction for foreign visitors of which the British economy relies upon because they flock here in their millions to view old Britain. Many Royal supporters will argue that they are a figurehead or brand label of this country and promote world trade because of the image of political stability they portray..I think there is some worth in this view but its hard to prove.
To me the Royal family represents Elitism and the class system in this country that has dogged us for generations. certainly oppressing the lower classes denying them opportunities and social standing. denying them political freedoms and advancement in many areas. The Royals also represent Empire which no longer exists and we all know past Empire ambitions oppressed other cultures in the world and invented Negro slavery. not to mention sowing the seeds of many of the world conflicts/wars we are experiencing today. Empire was good for an elitist few in the past but didnt give much to the lower classes. I argue that Empire should be assigned to the history books as a negative thing and not celebrated like it was at the Royal wedding. The Royals have no real political power in todays Britain and hardly influences Parliament..remember Parliament and Democracy only exists because of rebellion and civil war in this country thanks to Cromwell and his rebels. To re-instate the Monarchy after creating Parliament was a big mistake in my view. Like I said they are a modern oddity in todays world and represent very little.
I havent mentioned the happy couple whose day it was after all. I personally think they are both rather nice and appear reasonably down to earth [well the media have painted this picture]..indeed its hard not to like them and I sincerely wish them well. I just hope sweet Kate is fully aware [unlike Diana before her] what shes letting herself in for? being a Commoner she didnt have Posh Dianas training in the Aristocratic world she came from. Many will think the wearing of Dianas ring was a nice touch but it rings differently to me....its well written the royals view women as mere fillys there for breeding future kings as inbreeding is important to them and its well documented that after Princess Diana spouted a few male baby heirs she was more or less disgarded by the inner circle..even bonny Prince charlie chose to spend his private and intimate time with his mistress Camilla rather then his Princess wife. Theres that famous moment captured on film of newly engaged Charles and Diana speaking to the tv news camera when he was asked if he was in love?...his somber reply was " I'm not sure what love is"...she was there as a mere filly for breeding. lets hope sweet Kate doesnt suffer the same fate a few years down the line but I think shes safe until she sprouts male heirs dont you?
One of my biggest beefs on the wedding extravaganza is of course the cost. We must all be aware that we are currently suffering the worst recession since the 2nd world war and everyone in this island country is suffering as a result of cowboy bankers who were unregulated by government and of course semi corrupt government members toboot. Make no mistake we are in a very bad way out in the real world away from the fairytail wedding images. Out on the street our public services are being drastically cut and we havent seen the results of that yet. In our hospitals the cuts are savage as frontline nursing staff are being sacked and doctors are being forced out. Not to mention our current government are slowly selling off our precious NHS to the private sector. patient care is suffering and people are dying literally because of those cuts. in our schools teachers are not being employed for lack of money and classes are increasingly being run by teaching assistants which is scarey as the education of our children is vital. Our armed forces are being diluted to a frightening level with sackings right across the 3 forces and equipment being scrapped..yet the crazy thing is our corrupt government is getting us involved in new war conflicts that have nothing to do with us the latest being Liberia. its easy to forget our involvement in old wars in Afghanistan/Irag are costing this country many £millions each day.
add to this our arts budgets are being cut..our Libraries..our Charity organisations are going under...our industries are failing through lack of investments etc etc all this madness happening yet the fairytale Royal wedding is being funded via the already empty public purse. its estimated the wedding pomp itself has cost up to £100million and add to that the public holiday with lost industrial production of which our failing economy desperately needs will amount to almost £3-4 billion. Its really quite hard to take in the end costs and what reward does such expenditure bring? a few days of unity and public happiness/escapism? We are talking about one of the richest families in the world here with their £billion plus fortune and their riches increase every year because of the Royals investment and property/land ownership. I am outraged that we the suffering public had to finance this over the top display of elitism and class...if the Royals wanted to set an example and show they understand our current suffering in this country why didnt they finance this wedding? we're all in it together arent we?
I am of course aware the Royals give a lot of pleasure to millions of ordinary folk. I am not advocating here lining them up against the wall and shooting the lot of them..although it may not be a bad thing for our future. I would be happy to see them remain for the few positive reasons I mentioned somewhere above but..let the flag waving royalists agree to fund them by paying maybe an extra 50p tax per week and those who dont want them which numbers millions as well opt out of having their taxes taken without choice..thats fair and Democratic isnt it? I do understand why ordinary folk love them so much. The Royals represent a past age and values which are now lost in this country thanks to corrupt government policies that have dilluted the essence of this nation over the past 5 decades. People hark back to a time of morale standards and social community with institutions in place that bound us together etc those things are gone now and people wrongly think the Royals that represent a bygone age can bring that back...its misguided thinking in my view. if the British public can only get together in community during Royal events then we are in serious trouble...The fairytale Wedding does not reflect reality I'm afraid its as real as a tv soap. In the real world we live in streets where neighbours dont know one another and make no effort to do so. we have allowed ourselves to slip into an Orwellian Big Brother police state out there...the fairytale isnt true!
Indeed the Orwellian feared State did show its ugly face prior to the wedding event when big brother police raided umpteen addresses both in london and outside arresting innocent people on trumped up charges that they were suspected of plotting to disrupt the Royal event. including 3 London squats where whole families were thrown in jail cells for 3 days without charge..only on suspicion of pre-crimes. that is surely reminiscent of past Royal behavior ie throw them in the tower. Even the registered and legitimate protest groups had their freedom of speech taken away from them for 3 days so thats Royal Democracy in action..its not a fairytale vision I want to be part of....my Royal flag has no wind in its sail..god save the Queen! CALLEN
Words of Wisdom..... "To get to the end of the rainbow...you have to put up with the rain"
Sitting there watching it all unfold on the screen it was so easy to slip into a trance like state of National pride and nostalgia....indeed I did for a while but it wasnt because I am woolly headed over the monarchy or believed in fairytails..no it was because I'm big on History and value some elements of Tradition even relating to past monarchy but I state here very clearly I'm not a Royalist...nor an I woolly headed over such things. I am a Realist and my head in stuck firmly in the 21st Century where it so belongs..its a pity more of the Mall flag wavers arent the same. I must stress here I'm not a moany ole spoilsport either The Royal family today are an oddity and in reality are little more then a Tourist attraction for foreign visitors of which the British economy relies upon because they flock here in their millions to view old Britain. Many Royal supporters will argue that they are a figurehead or brand label of this country and promote world trade because of the image of political stability they portray..I think there is some worth in this view but its hard to prove.
To me the Royal family represents Elitism and the class system in this country that has dogged us for generations. certainly oppressing the lower classes denying them opportunities and social standing. denying them political freedoms and advancement in many areas. The Royals also represent Empire which no longer exists and we all know past Empire ambitions oppressed other cultures in the world and invented Negro slavery. not to mention sowing the seeds of many of the world conflicts/wars we are experiencing today. Empire was good for an elitist few in the past but didnt give much to the lower classes. I argue that Empire should be assigned to the history books as a negative thing and not celebrated like it was at the Royal wedding. The Royals have no real political power in todays Britain and hardly influences Parliament..remember Parliament and Democracy only exists because of rebellion and civil war in this country thanks to Cromwell and his rebels. To re-instate the Monarchy after creating Parliament was a big mistake in my view. Like I said they are a modern oddity in todays world and represent very little.
I havent mentioned the happy couple whose day it was after all. I personally think they are both rather nice and appear reasonably down to earth [well the media have painted this picture]..indeed its hard not to like them and I sincerely wish them well. I just hope sweet Kate is fully aware [unlike Diana before her] what shes letting herself in for? being a Commoner she didnt have Posh Dianas training in the Aristocratic world she came from. Many will think the wearing of Dianas ring was a nice touch but it rings differently to me....its well written the royals view women as mere fillys there for breeding future kings as inbreeding is important to them and its well documented that after Princess Diana spouted a few male baby heirs she was more or less disgarded by the inner circle..even bonny Prince charlie chose to spend his private and intimate time with his mistress Camilla rather then his Princess wife. Theres that famous moment captured on film of newly engaged Charles and Diana speaking to the tv news camera when he was asked if he was in love?...his somber reply was " I'm not sure what love is"...she was there as a mere filly for breeding. lets hope sweet Kate doesnt suffer the same fate a few years down the line but I think shes safe until she sprouts male heirs dont you?
One of my biggest beefs on the wedding extravaganza is of course the cost. We must all be aware that we are currently suffering the worst recession since the 2nd world war and everyone in this island country is suffering as a result of cowboy bankers who were unregulated by government and of course semi corrupt government members toboot. Make no mistake we are in a very bad way out in the real world away from the fairytail wedding images. Out on the street our public services are being drastically cut and we havent seen the results of that yet. In our hospitals the cuts are savage as frontline nursing staff are being sacked and doctors are being forced out. Not to mention our current government are slowly selling off our precious NHS to the private sector. patient care is suffering and people are dying literally because of those cuts. in our schools teachers are not being employed for lack of money and classes are increasingly being run by teaching assistants which is scarey as the education of our children is vital. Our armed forces are being diluted to a frightening level with sackings right across the 3 forces and equipment being scrapped..yet the crazy thing is our corrupt government is getting us involved in new war conflicts that have nothing to do with us the latest being Liberia. its easy to forget our involvement in old wars in Afghanistan/Irag are costing this country many £millions each day.
add to this our arts budgets are being cut..our Libraries..our Charity organisations are going under...our industries are failing through lack of investments etc etc all this madness happening yet the fairytale Royal wedding is being funded via the already empty public purse. its estimated the wedding pomp itself has cost up to £100million and add to that the public holiday with lost industrial production of which our failing economy desperately needs will amount to almost £3-4 billion. Its really quite hard to take in the end costs and what reward does such expenditure bring? a few days of unity and public happiness/escapism? We are talking about one of the richest families in the world here with their £billion plus fortune and their riches increase every year because of the Royals investment and property/land ownership. I am outraged that we the suffering public had to finance this over the top display of elitism and class...if the Royals wanted to set an example and show they understand our current suffering in this country why didnt they finance this wedding? we're all in it together arent we?
I am of course aware the Royals give a lot of pleasure to millions of ordinary folk. I am not advocating here lining them up against the wall and shooting the lot of them..although it may not be a bad thing for our future. I would be happy to see them remain for the few positive reasons I mentioned somewhere above but..let the flag waving royalists agree to fund them by paying maybe an extra 50p tax per week and those who dont want them which numbers millions as well opt out of having their taxes taken without choice..thats fair and Democratic isnt it? I do understand why ordinary folk love them so much. The Royals represent a past age and values which are now lost in this country thanks to corrupt government policies that have dilluted the essence of this nation over the past 5 decades. People hark back to a time of morale standards and social community with institutions in place that bound us together etc those things are gone now and people wrongly think the Royals that represent a bygone age can bring that back...its misguided thinking in my view. if the British public can only get together in community during Royal events then we are in serious trouble...The fairytale Wedding does not reflect reality I'm afraid its as real as a tv soap. In the real world we live in streets where neighbours dont know one another and make no effort to do so. we have allowed ourselves to slip into an Orwellian Big Brother police state out there...the fairytale isnt true!
Indeed the Orwellian feared State did show its ugly face prior to the wedding event when big brother police raided umpteen addresses both in london and outside arresting innocent people on trumped up charges that they were suspected of plotting to disrupt the Royal event. including 3 London squats where whole families were thrown in jail cells for 3 days without charge..only on suspicion of pre-crimes. that is surely reminiscent of past Royal behavior ie throw them in the tower. Even the registered and legitimate protest groups had their freedom of speech taken away from them for 3 days so thats Royal Democracy in action..its not a fairytale vision I want to be part of....my Royal flag has no wind in its sail..god save the Queen! CALLEN
Words of Wisdom..... "To get to the end of the rainbow...you have to put up with the rain"
Wednesday 16 March 2011
Wednesday 9 March 2011
TURN TO STONE
" Have you ever felt the wind blow softly on your face "
when the stars hung like diamonds in the sky........
Have you ever tasted teardrops when your dreams have been erased
when the love you loved has turned and said "goodbye"
Have you ever seen the morning when its drawn upon the mountain
and the mist is like a blanket upon the sky........
Have you ever heard your own heart when its crying and shouting
at the one you loved who just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers
now shes gone and I am left alone
Theres nothing left here but things to remember...
the way her heart has turned to stone
Have you ever seen a moment like the black of midnite
when you felt your life was over and you cried
Have you ever prayed to your maker when just living was too much
when the one you loved just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers now shes gone
I am left here alone with nothing but things to remember
oh lord my heart has turned to stone.
Words of Wisdom......" To create art means putting ones head..ones eye..ones heart on the same axis "
when the stars hung like diamonds in the sky........
Have you ever tasted teardrops when your dreams have been erased
when the love you loved has turned and said "goodbye"
Have you ever seen the morning when its drawn upon the mountain
and the mist is like a blanket upon the sky........
Have you ever heard your own heart when its crying and shouting
at the one you loved who just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers
now shes gone and I am left alone
Theres nothing left here but things to remember...
the way her heart has turned to stone
Have you ever seen a moment like the black of midnite
when you felt your life was over and you cried
Have you ever prayed to your maker when just living was too much
when the one you loved just turned and said "goodbye"
I didnt know but I guess we were strangers now shes gone
I am left here alone with nothing but things to remember
oh lord my heart has turned to stone.
Words of Wisdom......" To create art means putting ones head..ones eye..ones heart on the same axis "
Saturday 1 January 2011
New beginning...New year...new opportunities....2011
So..how many new year resolutions you gonna make and probably end up breaking? People in western culture are so flighty and lacking in self disciplines. I ponder is it because we are without religious faith these days? or maybe because we are blinded by endless temptations? Is consumerism so unsatisfying that we crave more and more in a vain attempt to find something? until in the end we are totally lost spiritually and consumed ourselves!
Yes the end of an old year causes reflection and stock taking..unless of course you wanna stay on the same ole treadmill as last year. Its time to reflect quietly on the lost opportunities of last year and the mistakes we made with people. Trying not to repeat them. Like a beautiful king snake in the garden of Eden we should shred our old skins once a year and face the new year a new. we need to spiritually evolve and hopefully become better people..this crazy violent world needs that!
We need to stop and question the way we live. we are greedy and selfish..we are impulsive and reactionary..we are arrogant and narrow minded...its not our fault because we have been taught to behave that way. many travel through each year thinking the most important thing in life is...our own happiness! we want a better car..better/bigger house..the latest electronic gadget accessory..more exotic holidays..more better sex..wanna wanna wanna...so..where does it all end? what is the ultimate goal? A better world?
In the near future when there really is a 'Them and Us' society divided by extremes of wealth education and technical know how. Where the chosen minority live in security gated communities and the under classes live on massive cctv watched estates with their own shopping malls schools and social facilities. when sea levels have risen and we no longer have long hazy summers but hurricane storms are the norm. that western liberal religions have all but died out and the world faith is predominantly Islam. The oil has all but run out and we cant afford to purchase/run the new electronic cars and in any case we are restricted to 20 miles per week etc etc is this really a picture of the future?
Why not make a resolution to be more human from now on? to think of others less fortunate than ourselves..to be more tolerant to those that are different to us in race look philosophy culture. To have respect for our communities and the world we live in. To not follow false heroes like celebrities or consume without thought. To look beyond materialism because its all just glitter and not gold. when you are a nan or grandad in the future and your little grandchild looks up at you and innocently asks.." What did you do nan/grandad before the world changed? " Will you reply.." Oh I was too busy having a good time with my big house/fast cars/latest Ipod phone/cool fashions/binge drinking/casual multiply sex partners etc etc to even notice the changes in the world" Its a brand new year and if we try we do have the power to change things for the better.
When you walk out the door tomorrow make an effort...reach out with kindness to someone new for a change and break through that wall you have built around yourself...what wall you might say? are you sure there isnt one?. break free from your cosy social clique and connect with others. Its called caring and community...remember when we had that? Our societies have slipped into a surreal scenario where neighbours living on the same street or even housing block are strangers. Even elderly folk living in our midst can die and no one knows for weeks. its unreal. One of my new year Resolutions is to try and be a better person in 2011 and reach out. Are you going to make the effort?? CALLEN
Words of wisdom...." The road to hell is..paved with good intentions!"
Yes the end of an old year causes reflection and stock taking..unless of course you wanna stay on the same ole treadmill as last year. Its time to reflect quietly on the lost opportunities of last year and the mistakes we made with people. Trying not to repeat them. Like a beautiful king snake in the garden of Eden we should shred our old skins once a year and face the new year a new. we need to spiritually evolve and hopefully become better people..this crazy violent world needs that!
We need to stop and question the way we live. we are greedy and selfish..we are impulsive and reactionary..we are arrogant and narrow minded...its not our fault because we have been taught to behave that way. many travel through each year thinking the most important thing in life is...our own happiness! we want a better car..better/bigger house..the latest electronic gadget accessory..more exotic holidays..more better sex..wanna wanna wanna...so..where does it all end? what is the ultimate goal? A better world?
In the near future when there really is a 'Them and Us' society divided by extremes of wealth education and technical know how. Where the chosen minority live in security gated communities and the under classes live on massive cctv watched estates with their own shopping malls schools and social facilities. when sea levels have risen and we no longer have long hazy summers but hurricane storms are the norm. that western liberal religions have all but died out and the world faith is predominantly Islam. The oil has all but run out and we cant afford to purchase/run the new electronic cars and in any case we are restricted to 20 miles per week etc etc is this really a picture of the future?
Why not make a resolution to be more human from now on? to think of others less fortunate than ourselves..to be more tolerant to those that are different to us in race look philosophy culture. To have respect for our communities and the world we live in. To not follow false heroes like celebrities or consume without thought. To look beyond materialism because its all just glitter and not gold. when you are a nan or grandad in the future and your little grandchild looks up at you and innocently asks.." What did you do nan/grandad before the world changed? " Will you reply.." Oh I was too busy having a good time with my big house/fast cars/latest Ipod phone/cool fashions/binge drinking/casual multiply sex partners etc etc to even notice the changes in the world" Its a brand new year and if we try we do have the power to change things for the better.
When you walk out the door tomorrow make an effort...reach out with kindness to someone new for a change and break through that wall you have built around yourself...what wall you might say? are you sure there isnt one?. break free from your cosy social clique and connect with others. Its called caring and community...remember when we had that? Our societies have slipped into a surreal scenario where neighbours living on the same street or even housing block are strangers. Even elderly folk living in our midst can die and no one knows for weeks. its unreal. One of my new year Resolutions is to try and be a better person in 2011 and reach out. Are you going to make the effort?? CALLEN
Words of wisdom...." The road to hell is..paved with good intentions!"
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