Marriage.....can it work or be happy in modern times?

Someone asked my views on marriage recently. They wondered if it was in the age of equality an outdated institution with old fashioned values and expectations? That the religious blessing and state licence in the form of a certificate wasnt worth bothering about as hardly anyone goes to church these days except for births deaths and a percentage of marriages That its meaning has been devalued beyond recognition in the shape of todays society, And does it matter anyway because just Living Together is the same. Plus there isnt any social stigma of not being married today as there still was 40 years ago. The big question can you be happily married?...............hmm its a difficult question to answer.




My thoughts on Marriage today............ In my youth I was anti-marriage and believed quite strongly that it belonged to a past era. but than youth knows everything they think and everyone else is wrong. Having matured and hopfully grown wise and fair minded in my prime years I think more deeply. I now believe in the security and contentment of marriage. we dont have any training for marriage apart from observing as children our parents relationship and depending on how good/bad that was its bound to shape our perceptions on getting married. we make mistakes like in any partnership its part of the learning process
but the important thing is to learn from them as we have emotions involved. Being humans we are not solitary creatures but have a deep need for a mate or group. we dream of meeting the perfect partner in adult life like a hand that fits the perfect glove but......only some of us are lucky enough to achieve that Its not a realistic view.

many view marriage as a fairy tale scenario and have unrealistic expectations but the reality is different. we need to treat marriage as an emotional working partnership with the important ingredients like tolerance, understanding, patience, trust as part of the mix. we need to adopt an adult view of life together plus the changes that people go through at certain ages because such things confuse us when they happen with a partner.we do change our perceptions with time and partners need to understand and adapt to those sometimes confusing changes in life.


we also need to learn to step back and deal with emotional upsets like an argument which so often ends up in a tit for tat war and scoring browny points. let your partner win sometimes even though you know you are right it will pay dividends later on in the relationship and respect is earned from such tactics. marriages that tend to last have one partner whos more submissive than the other in personality and can step back at important stages without suffering pain. Men find this difficult to do because of their macho role and silly male pride. in the past women were expected to take the submissive role as the man was the main bread winner and traditionally the head of the family as in Victorian times. equality and shared opportunities has upset that balance now men are confused to what their roles are? Traditional marriage cannot survive in an age of equality in my view unless the partners want it to be the same as their parents relationship and many do. But we can easily make changes to suit albeit in a contractsual sense to bring marriage up to date. equality can rest easily within marriage if agreements are set. I believe now that a marriage certificate and religious blessing is important psychologically because it causes a sense of security and worth to the partnership....its a framework to work by and more importantly for your children.....every child deserves that family security! To have no traditional religious bond or legal contract causes a diluted sense of purpose and flippant attitudes..often leading to walking out the door during heated arguments and maybe committing adultery...even in such circumstances modern law will back the deserter/adulterer and that cant be right.



it is unlikely you will ever meet the perfect partner in compatibility. of course love at first is blind and glosses over all the bumps and cracks.these will emerge later when the fairytale period is over [ honeymoon period can last years ] to find things that match ie personality...character...emotional needs...sexual needs and compatibility...social templates...views on interests,politics, bringing up children, religion etc etc all will rarely match as you would hope but...and its a BIG but...if you can find a way to compromise on many issues and still find contentment, peace, than really marriage in my view is the happiest state to be in on this planet.we need to learn how to be happy with another person.The old cliches come in here but they ring oh so true ie if you can be best friends and enjoy each others company than the chances are you will ride the rough patches that are bound to come....pull together and grow together through the changes than marriage is great! sadly its a lottery...we have to work for all those things and hope it works...we can never know or be sure...but its worth trying for in my view. CALLEN







PS. Words of wisdom... " Without love in your heart its little more than a ticking clock ticking..."

In touch with your feminine side

The past number of years a new younger generation of journalists and producers trying to make a name for themselves in the media have flooded us with idiotic TV blurbs and tabloid type gimmicky headlines that has evolved into TV speak alongside text speak. you may think this is harmless and a bit of fun but its more serious as it seeps into everyday language thus diluting the useage of one of the best languages in the world...The English language. Our ancestors wouldnt understand us!


I am not a lover of gimmicky terms and a few which make me cringe are "I wanna swim with dolphins"....its said these fish are intelligent and can vocally communicate I wonder what they have to say about that? others I dislike..."I'm a member of the milehigh club" or "I dont do...." .."Dont go there..." etc etc but one that is so patronising it really gets my goat "Get in touch with your feminine side"..referring to men of course. I'll wager this was dreamnt up by some female tabloid journalist or womans magazine editor whos a full blown lesbian manhater [This is not meant to be derogative toward lesbians of which I'm very tolerant but I dislike manhaters who patronise or attack men in print]

Indeed that term is an insult to men generally. Its suggesting men do not possess the qualities of sensitivity..caring..loving..humility..gentleness..understanding of womens needs/flaws etc etc that only women are capable of having a more balanced nature..bollix! In reality we are all different some do..some dont regardless of sex. if you believe men arent in touch with their softer side [feminine is an insult] than you hold an old fashioned view of men from yesteryear suggesting all men are gruff..macho..insensitive grunting ape like creatures who think its romantic dragging their women folk by the hair to the cave. [yes I know there are some women who crave that type of treatment secretly] I am an alpha male hairy macho dominant as most/many men are on the surface but thats an image or body armour shown to mark territory to other males..underneath that hunter/gatherer skin is a protective caring sensitive articulate loving creature but its not shown on the surface.

I am left wondering if todays females who embrace 'Ladism' is an example of females getting in touch with their macho/man side? or is it an indication that large numbers of women secretly admire/want to be like men? women who subscribe to the Ladism culture havent a clue as they have mis-interpreted the meaning of being an alpha male..they display what they perceive to be male by being loud..arrogant..violent..binge drinking..swearing..puking in the streets etc you see large groups of women like this everywhere now in towns/cities out socially shameing themselves and throwing away the very thing that men love and respect women for...their feminity! My suggestion to any female gimmicky headline maker who likes to patronise and dump on mens great qualities is.....dream up a headline for the women who need to get back in touch with their own feminine side and stop apeing men who are bad examples! amen! CALLEN







Words of wisdom....."a winner never quits.....and a quitter never wins"

Passing Ghosts....

I found myself visiting an area and places recently I hadnt been to in years. Passing through once familiar streets and cosy buildings that once were my regular haunts.



Names above shop front windows, A rusty street lamp, the local pub with fading pub sign. A bump in the road still there! A familiar face in the corner shop still following his daily routine year in year out. Much the same after a decade gone by. Happy reminders of another time...another life!



All these reminders acted as a trigger releasing a flood of half forgotten memories of a time gone by. I gave into this sudden rush of nostalgia for it was almost comforting to be reminded of what were good naive times.



I enter my old local for a drink. same victorian furnishings and highly polished bar pumps. Recognising a few locals much the same except for extra face lines. juke box still on the wall with some of the old tunes...I bathed it all in..this place...these people...the smells...the sounds..the feelings..are all imprinted in my brain. I close my eyes and 1997 is still so real!



I recall lost loves and absent friends some now dead. I can hear their voices coming from the walls and that oh so familiar laughter that used to warm my soul. Your instinct is to reach out and touch those memories..to hold onto them tightly before they fade away. almost like theres a yearning in your heart to be reunited with them like an old friend.



I have to force myself to snap out of this trance...I need to leave this place now quickly. Past experiences help shape what we are today but...they can be ghosts that haunt our soul! CALLEN












Words of Wisdom... " The road to excess leads to the path of Wisdom if you survive the journey "

I miss you my friend

I miss seeing you from across the room of a crowded bar.....and you walking by on a bustling street to the back drop of noisy traffic.


I miss the sound of your infectious laugh that happened often when you were around....that warm smile that used to disarm any barrier between us.


I miss that gentle sway of your bosoms when you walked by in your flowery summer dress....the sun shining on your long flowing hair in the summer breeze.


I miss your feminine gentleness that always brought me down to earth....the passing whiff of your perfume that caused me to feel quite heady every time we met.


I miss the way you make me feel inside even on the dullest of days...and how you remind me that life isnt complete without a woman.


I miss the little girl in you always lurking behind the woman....the way you could always wind me around your little finger but I didnt care.


I miss the deep ache of yearning inside you caused me yet you were never aware....it was a pain I bore in silence.


I miss my courage in wanting to tell you how I really felt inside about you...but my fear of rejection always tied my tongue.


I miss you my friend every time your not around....I miss the love I always imagined would be but fear I am alone in my thoughts.


I just miss you......











Words of Wisdom.... " Easiest thing in the world is to be you....the most difficult is to be what other people want you to be...dont let them put you in that position"

Nobody listens to a voice in the wilderness!

Knowledge is only available to those that seek it! Sadly only a few take the trouble for they are content in their naive bubble of materialism and pretences..its almost like a virtual reality world and the 'real' important events dont concern them...wearing social blinkers and in denial is the easy way out for many.


Many use escapism like Religion thinking it is a great saviour and that utopia awaits them if they behave like good little sheep and remain in the flock. The very concept of any religion is good but inevitably its corrupted by greedy individuals and governments who use its banner to further their own cause...its ranks are filled with bigots and cowards..the naive and narrow..the foolish and the good. No scientific test can prove its worth yet the millions follow without question. in his day Jesus was just another voice in the wilderness who the masses mocked behind his back and he was labelled odd.



Many rally behind politics and political folk with painted smiles yet the concept of running any complex society/state especially a multicultural one inevitably involves dealing in half truths and deceptions in order for things to work. the country would grind to a standstill if the rules were followed to the letter. regardless of how pure the soul is on entry politics does corrupt those in its midst..hence you should never trust a politician. any capitalist economy depends on big business for its very survival and business quangos rule government policy..anyone who believes otherwise is naive. politicians are simply puppets to business captains.



I paint a glum picture but enlightenment brings a sense of freedom in my view and I have sympathy for those that opt out of conventional institutions like above to find their own path to forfillment in life. I relate to people who tremble with indignation at every injustice in this world as you are a comrade of mine. lets be realistic...lets do the impossible lets think for ourselves! I guess I'm still a hippy in spirit and thats good because it means I care! CALLEN







Words of Wisdom....."Ugliness is superior to beauty because it lasts"

Have you a vision?

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers.


Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose Cool fashionable cloths that fake celebs wear and matching colour coded car that the neighbours will admire. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.


Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning as you wander around warehouse sized stores. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.


Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable oap home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life...

But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons.
Who needs reasons when you can see the misery of a normal standard 'mapped' life?






Words of Wisdom......"The young will always disagree with their elders...until they learn the ways of an elder"

Drugs are ruining society...[The ones the government want you to take]

Its official the government and other major parties have concluded we have a sick society [Broken Britain] with many parts of it breaking down in attitude, lack of respect, law and order, povety etc hence we have a CCTV on every street corner and a police surveillance society to contain it. They put the blame on a lot of those things on drug useage.....I would agree this is part of the over all cause as this country has a drug problem but I wont mention the lack of investment by past governments to replace lost traditional manufacturing industries and mining in this country and relying too much on 'The City's' money markets for future prosperity while leaving whole areas laid to waste jobs wise. One of our celebrated past female leaders Lady bloody Thatcher was especially zealous at breaking down traditional industries and stopping investments to replace them in communities...bless her cotton knickers.

Drugs are hugely to blame for the current behavioural breakdown that make our streets no-go areas at certain times and this is happening in every town/city in this country. The drugs are perfectly legal and government policy is to encourage people to indulge in them as they bring in mountains of cash in tax revenue. even government policy has been changed to make it easier to enjoy your drug fix by extending opening hours to 24 in every day. you can buy your drugs now in sweet shops, supermarkets on almost every street in the country. every social occasion or celebration isnt complete without including these drugs. mass production technigues and low taxation on the industries producing them means the prices of them are rock bottom so affordable to everyone. sounds like a junkie heaven huh?


The Society wrecking drugs are of course TOBACCO and ALCOHOL. The governments policy to create a European 'cafe' culture by extending opening hours and bringing drinking out onto the street has caused a Binge culture meaning large numbers of ordinary normally respectable people fall out of pubs/clubs in a drunken stupor most weekend nights inevitably causing social havoc and criminal damage with violence. Its not just yobs terrorisng council estates now but groups of drunks making town/city centres no go areas to ordinary decent folk. Many are afraid to go to town centres weekend evenings because of this and you'll see police CCTV entertainment programmes on our tv's weekly showing the mayhem. Alcohol abuse stretches our social services and the NHS to almost breaking point. With half a million smoking/drink related illnesses recorded every year. each year 114,000 die from tabacco related desease and 40.000 die from alcohol related illnesses.


Governments are always eager to blame illegal drugs for our ills but in reality the illegal drug problems are quite small. Heroin useage is an exception for its so addictive many users turn to crime to support their habits so theres a good case to link it to anti-social behavior. but a few are acceptable for recreational use if controlled. Many drugs should be de-criminalised in my view but NOT legalised including cannabis. The reason?....we live in an industrial contained society where rules and order are important for it to work. If it is to work you cant advocate every day drug use in the interests of safety and manufacturing production. even using a mild drug like cannabis would cause risk using industrial machinery and a persons drive/enthusiasm would be compromised..ie would you be happy having lorry/bus driver passing within feet of you and your family in a town centre when hes smoking cannabis?? or hospital technichions operating life saving machinery while high?? pilots flying aircraft??..no.. some people have addictive personalities also so it simply isnt fesable so it has to be controlled...de-criminalised but not legalised.



Its interesting to note the recent banning of synthetic chemical Mephedrone and the anger it caused with drug experts on the governments own appointed drug advisery panel causing many to leave. This chemical is 98% pure and like anything in life if used properly is reasonably safe....so unlike illegal street bought substances like Heroin/Cocaine/speed which is cut by street dealers with unknown additives to make it go further and increase profits. Many experts left the advisery panel arguing the government were dictating and even bullying them to write negative reports on Mephedrone when in fact they found no direct deaths caused by it. why have an expert advisery panel if they dont heed their expert advise? I say get them to test the harmful efforts of legal drugs like Tobacco/alcohol that would certainly be interesting. The experts accused the government of being two faced and only interested in appearing to be tough on drugs leading up to an election as it increases votes in middle England. You would think a government would be more concerned with allowing a 98% pure drug that is safe to be available to all rather then illegal often dangerous illegally bought drugs bought on the street but no...they're more concerned with criminalising users then their safety. pity they dont focus so much on real killers like Tobacco/alcohol rather then Mephedrone. It is of course a governments duty to protect the public against drug use but there are many layers to useage. thousands happily use illegal drugs every weekend socially without problems and live normal happy lives no amount of legislation or criminalising them will change that.



The government needs to change their current policies on legalised and illegal drug use to help cure the problems of our broken society in the social sense.lets bring normality to our streets again and get rid of the free for all thats happening now. Focus more on Tobacco/alcohol abuses that are marring our streets and not so much on the small in comparison synthetic chemicals the gutter press like to scream about without foundation

Here are the true statistics of drug deaths..the government would have you believe illegal drugs are the danger...dont be fooled!

Alcohol 40 ,000 deaths per year
Tabacco 114 ,000...
Solvents 47...
Ecstasy 40 [although the drug itself wont kill you, its related things like overheating-heart failure etc can]
Cocaine 100
Heroin 800
Cannabis 11
Mephedrone nil

Make up your own minds which the governments should be warning us against?? CALLEN









Words of Wisdom......"People too weak to follow their own dreams...will always find a way to discourage yours"